jillian leigh is still around

well

2011-01-23T21:09:00.002-05:00

yet again, i neglect this blog.

however, it is with just cause. i have two jobs now. i generally work a full 40-50 hours a week, depending on how scheduling goes. i'm still running my grandpa and aunt around. on the weekend, if i have time/are not working, i'm actually having a social life with friends. oh, and i'm taking a class. it's online but it still counts.

it's crazy to be as busy as i am now but oddly enough, i like it. being busy makes me feel less bored with my life.

new year, new start, same ol me

2011-01-02T12:17:00.002-05:00

i never do anything on time. notorious for it. however, i still have my own list of new year's resolutions that i want/need to state to see if i follow through on them this year.

1) better myself as a person. very general but a good thought nonetheless.

2) become healthier. my actual goal is lose forty pounds over the course of the next year to get to a healthy bmi and at a weight where i feel more comfortable with myself again. i've already taken the first steps towards this by buying food separately from my family (literally, all we have here is hxc processed food) and exercising :/ blech.

3) ride my bike at least three times a week. it's only a cruiser but i love going out on it, i just need to make more of an effort at it.

4) learn a craft. i'm leaning towards knitting right now to kill whatever spare time i have left and to add a destressing activity to my already nutty life.

5) take more pictures. i have a camera, not the best and not the worst, but a simple point and shoot that i should be lugging around with me but never do.

these are all really simple goals, things that ought to be followed very easily so this is my new year. i'm ready to go.

holidays

2010-12-24T23:10:00.002-05:00

christmas time. a time of magic and joy and happiness, a time to share memories and laughter and presents, let's be honest here. this year is a little bittersweet for my family. there have been more tears shed than normal, more dregs of sadness being brought back up but in tender ways.

it's been over two months since my uncle passed away and so, this is the first christmas we spend without him. my little sister, unusually thoughtful thoughtful when it came to her gifts this year, got my aunt (his fiance) a calendar made with pictures of the two of them and got my father a photo of him, my uncle and my grandfather who has also passed. my aunt was in awe. my dad cried. he legit broke down and cried.

needless to say, i followed suit. i've always been super close to my dad so whenever i see him cry, i legit break down and sob so there we were, a mass of a family as we huddled together and cried while looking at the picture of the three men before we collected ourselves and just went into telling stories about pete. it still is weird to me that my uncle no longer is a physicality on this earth but it still makes me happy that we can talk about him. even though it still stings to think or talk about pete and what happened, the fact that we can bring up the good things, the stories and the memories, the laughs we had...makes me truly happy.

and so, for the holiday season this year, i have joy. joy for what's happened in my life, joy for what is happening now and joy for what is yet to come. happy holidays.

hello again

2010-12-23T01:11:00.003-05:00

dearest little blog (and whoever reads this),

hello. perhaps hello again. consider this the second coming of me. now that i've graduated from college with my bachelor's and have chosen to take a year or so off to attend to familial and monetary issues, i have time to dedicate to you again. how lovely.

that and this being all said, i've yet to decide what to really do with the blog. i want to try doing outfit posts, maybe a once a week kind of deal. expect random bits. expect stories of shenanigans. expect odd photos. expect me.

here we go again.

2010-12-21T11:56:00.000-05:00

blog overhaul to come later. i may actually find a use/purpose for this thing yet.

2010-11-26T15:19:00.000-05:00

you go marcus coco

2010-11-09T17:52:00.003-05:00

i have decided that i have two words that will define my being. unflappable and unapologetic. i refuse to be shaken by the shit that gets flung my way. i refuse to apologize for the decisions that i make, the things that i do, the things that i say.

no regrets, no fear and i will never be afraid.

family

2010-10-19T18:23:00.002-04:00

as much as i complain and bellyache about my family and the life situation that i've been dealt, i still love my family very much. this has been made more so present than recent events.

on thursday, october 14th, my uncle pete unexpectedly died of what we believe was an aortic aneurysm. he went to work and left due to not feeling well, came home and became disoriented and coded on his way to the hospital, never to wake back up. it's still hard, harder than i thought, to fully wrap my head around the notion that he's not coming home or that his car outside doesn't mean that he's inside, waiting. he and i didn't always get along and more often than not, i thought he was a goober. he had lame jokes and always waited for me to give him a high five and would bother me at the most inconvenient times but i loved him dearly. i loved how he would always forget to tuck in his shirt or how he knew random sports and music trivia, i loved how he would be nice to the meanest person and how he would tell me that i looked pretty on days when i felt anything but.

i'm grateful for the time and the memories that i have with and of him. i'm grateful that he went quickly and didn't feel any pain. i'm grateful that friends and family have banded around my core family to help us through it. i'm grateful for every day that i wake up and can tell people that i love them. because in the face of this shit that befell us so suddenly, i'm made more grateful for the friends and family that i have and i never want to neglect telling people that i adore them. the hurt will get better with time, i know, but for right now, i'm so happy that i had my uncle pete.

my aunt

2010-10-06T11:37:00.002-04:00

is legit a medical freak. she has these two diseases, wegener's granulomatosis and polyarteritis nodosa, and the combination of the two of them together puts her in a realm that apparently only one other person in the world has been officially diagnosed with. rad fun fact about my aunt: she's been in a shitload of medical journals for it.

my entire life, she's been what i refer to as functionally sick. she's legit on disability because she can't work due to her illnesses but pretty much can do anything else.

however, i'm starting to get really fed up with her. i have to tolerate her shit and shenanigans because she is 'sick' but it's really ridiculous how she milks it and the crap she gets away with because of it. all she ever does is constantly bemoan the fact that she can't drive due to seizures on her record, how she's sicker than everybody else and is worse off and how we need to cater to her whims because of it. you know, a person can only tolerate and accept that kind of stuff for so long.

case in point: her repetition. it's not even noon yet and she's already told me eight times since she's woken up a HALF HOUR AGO that she has a fever. okay? take a damn tylenol, lay down and stfu.

this kind of occurrence is my day to day life. my friends don't believe me until they come over and after are always like wow, wasn't expecting that. i warn people for a reason.

now, i love her and i hate that she's sick but at the same time, her shenanigans are starting to wear me down, wear me thin and drive me up a wall. i do feel better for ranting, though.

time to take her to the doctor.

i was going to write

2010-09-28T18:45:00.002-04:00

but then i looked at the lush cosmetics facebook again and saw this hunk of a man again.

ugh, moving to vancouver right now. he is my perfect man. bearded, tattoos and a metallica shirt. dead.

2010-09-23T21:40:00.002-04:00

i'm frustrated. i graduate in december and have already plotted out a plan of action. take a year off before grad school to volunteer at the history center here or get an internship with them while i continue to work at lush and (try) to save up enough money for a new car and to get the hell out of here. my mother, however, has different plans for me altogether.

she doesn't seem to grasp the idea that i no longer wish to follow the path that they've laid out for me. i no longer want to live in the isolated little bubble that they seem to have so carefully dictated and constructed for me. i want to be my own person and even if i'm not making much money, i want to do what makes me happy and i don't want to settle for mediocrity.

i can't even discuss any of this with her because once i mention deviation from her plans, she acts like an insolent and sullen teenager and begins to pout and sulk and bitches until i lie and say what she wants to hear.

i need to win the lotto or something. shit.

2010-09-16T00:04:00.002-04:00

i'm going to attempt to nurture this blog a little more, make more of a day by day thing. no matter how trivial or inane my day seems.

starting tomorrow.

quick post

2010-09-07T22:30:00.004-04:00

update to follow tomorrow. too tired from school work to write anything noteworthy.

one month

2010-08-29T16:00:00.002-04:00

and some change. that's legit how long it's been since i've updated this thing. it's not like i can even say that i've been busy. i've just been lazy, haha. let's recap this last month in list form, shall we?

- i started my (last) semester of school. two classes online. it feels weird to be doing school work again. i did not miss formatting papers. blech.
- i've been working more at the store. i love it dearly. i cannot wait for the next few months because of halloween and christmas products, wooooooot.
- i've been helping out the family like always. enough said.
- i started a food blog with my friend alley. ferociousfoodies.blogspot.com

damn. that's really pretty much it. here's my dad singing and cleaning a toilet chair.

weight loss update

2010-07-26T18:06:00.002-04:00

so it's actually been about five weeks since i've embarked on my lose weight, look great sort of half ass plan that i've started. i will admit, i've slacked severely on the exercise front. i've only been doing yoga about twice a week but i have been walking around a lot more than usual. i've also been cutting down portion sizes a lot and not snacking/grazing as much as i used to.

that being said, i came out of my room this morning and my younger sister looked at me rather quizzically and asked if i was skinnier. i haven't really been paying much attention the last few weeks so i went and weighed myself and i've officially lost 12 pounds. i can't lie, it felt pretty damn good to see that i've lost that much. my goal now is another 30 and i think it's definitely doable, especially if i step up my game on the exercise front.

my sister also complained that i've been looking cuter than her lately. that part, i'm not as sure about but i think my little sister is gorgeous so it oddly made me feel good. i've suffered with self esteem issues for years and i've gotten to an acceptance level with myself where i think that i'm cute. i'm not model gorgeous but i'm not hideous either and it's taken me a long time to just accept myself. now i'm just trying to improve myself further.

summer time

2010-07-21T19:05:00.002-04:00

every summer, a ritual has started to form between myself and two of my friends, amber and lydia. lydia lives in atlanta and amber lives in naples so with me being in orlando, we don't exactly get a chance to see each other often. this year marks the third year of us getting together and going to warped tour.

now, warped tour over the years has seen a decline in bands that the three of us actually like but we still truck through it and spend the day meandering around and seeing new bands, laughing and having all sorts of nutty adventures. the first year was 2008 when we hit up warped in miami. it's how i got introduced to protest the hero (helloooooo, luke hoskin), a warped date on the water with a gorgeous breeze and the longest period of time ever spent by me in miami.

luke hoskin, what a stone cold fox

last year was 2009 warped tour in west palm beach. the venue sucked. there were bands like millionaires and brokencyde that are just a blight upon music. but there was alexisonfire and gallows and chiodos that made everything worth it to me. i also found out that all three of us, embarrasingly enough, like 3Oh!3. Even putting that in print shames me. we got to meet alexisonfire, which was a major highlight to me, and per usual, i took total creeper photos that i am just now gonna post.

steele, the bassist. sweet as pie. what a guy.

jordan hastings, the drummer. also known as ratbeard. i follow him on twitter and i legit find him to be most pleasant.

george pettit, the lead singer. we had run into him earlier and i had given him some cookies. uber friendly.

dallas green. arguably the most known member of the group. his side project is city and colour, which alone is freaking amazing. he seemed really shy but when you have tons of people on your ass all the time, you gotta keep something about yourself for yourself.

wade macneill. my personal favorite member. he held up the line for us so that we could talk to him. sincerely genuine and sweet, he's extremely humble and kind and it's safe to say i'm slightly enamored with him.

this year is 2010 warped tour and year three for our terrible trio to terrorize another city in the state. this year's decided warped tour date is the st petersburg stop. why? because it's a little closer to naples than west palm and st pete in general is a rad ass city. i'm excited for hangouts with my friends and the handful of bands that we're going to see.

especially this one.

it's gonna be a good weekend.

2010-07-11T12:36:00.002-04:00

this week has been infinitely better than the last. i feel like shit has shifted in the universe to where i feel like the pile of suck that seemed to hang over my head may not be hovering above me as close as it was. i did bring it upon myself but at least there's definitely been a major improvement.

we've had a few amazing nights downtown with lots of dancing and smiling and laughing. we went to this place called rebounderz, which has tons and tons of indoor trampolines. we bounced on walls and beat little kids and dodgeball. i went bowling with my brother. i took my little sister to lunch. i had a bowling tournament with the girls from work with a lot of ridiculous costumes, lots of bonding time and amaretto sours for me.

it's nice having a social life again after allowing myself to become a quasi-hermit for about two years. it's even better that we've been having good times going out inside of shitty ones. this coming week is going to be full of win, too. kennedy space center, fuddrucker's with my-linh, backbooth for 80's night, ibar for grits and gravy and five year flashback.

i love life.

karma

2010-07-05T20:57:00.004-04:00

i generally believe in being a good person. doing the right thing as much as humanly possible and helping out my fellow man whenever i can. i'm not claiming that i'm perfect in it. i'm as shallow and materialistic as the next person but i'm at least trying to become more aware of the impact i'm making and having on other people in the world.

however, this last week has been a really shitty clusterfuck of bad karma both caused by me and doled out to me.i truly do feel that the 'bad' things that are occuring in my life right now are a direct result of what i have caused in karmic damage to others. i know a lot of people don't really believe in karma or the kind of symbiotic balance in the world but i fully do and so i'm just trying to find my balance again before i get the good ol karmic bitch slap again. or an anvil dropped on my head.

random rambling over.

2010-06-27T23:33:00.003-04:00

hi. i don't know your name or who you are or what you do but maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, you are fine as hale.

2010-06-22T12:10:00.002-04:00

because i was exhausted from work yesterday, i didn't get a chance to update this sucker but i have embarked upon the start of my new healthy body plan.

i've started doing yoga again and plan on getting at least twenty minutes in each day whenever possible. i've started doing stomach crunches and planks to get a flatter belly, which has always been my biggest body concern and because belly fat is the worst to keep on your frame. i'm planning on doing at least 30 minutes of cardio four times a week, walking around my neighborhood whenever i can with my little sister, riding my bike again in the afternoons. i've cut pop out of my diet, started limiting my portions of food and am trying to eat more fruits and vegetables, less sweets and carbs.

i finally decided to stop being compacent. it's not that i think i'm fat or that i have an urge to be rail thin or have a desire to have anybody's body but my own. i just need to stop being lazy. i've gotten so bad about actually getting my ass up to do anything lately that it's nto really a wonder i've put on some weight. my goal is thirty pounds by december to at least get myself into the healthy range of my body mass index. if i can lose more, that'd be great but for once, it's really not so much about losing the weight as it is about developing better life habits for myself. after all, i got one life to live and i want to make the most out of it and i truly feel that being a few pounds lighter would ease my body aches and pains and allow me more mobility and flexibility in doing the things i want to do. i'm monitoring my progress and will post about it here monthly so i can track myself.

father's day

2010-06-20T12:42:00.002-04:00

today is the day that was chosen a hundred years ago to celebrate the fact that we have fathers. for some people, they consider the genetic donor of seed to their mother and half of their chromosomal makeup to merely be a sperm donor. for other people, they consider step-fathers, older brothers, grandfathers, uncles, influential male figures in their lives to be the closest things they have to a father. for an even luckier few, they have their biological father who has remained a solid and influential figure in their lives. i am amongst those lucky few.

this is my father. he is honestly one of the best people that i know and i would probably say that, even if he wasn't my dad. he's the kind of person who goes out of his way to help others, would give you the shirt off his back if he saw that you needed it more than he did. he and i have always had a really good relationship because we have a shitload of common interests, find humor in the most inappropriate situations and like to make fun of pretty much everything we can. we have the same eyes, the same sense of humor, the same odd vocabulary that often baffles people who enter into conversation with us.

i have the same sense of socialization as he does where we both have to talk to everybody that we possibly can, find out everything that we can about other people. i'm reminded of this every time i go to visit him at the hospital that he works at and everybody comes up and says hello to him and for the most part, he knows everybody's name from the higher ups down to the janitors. it never ceases to make me proud to have people come up to me and ask me if i'm his daughter.

i will always be proud and happy to answer yes. to tell people that i am my father's daughter. happy father's day, daddy. i love you.

2010-06-03T23:48:00.002-04:00

i neglect this thing so much but i've decided to take a bigger undertaking with it and actually use it to write down the ish that has been going on in my life. but tonight, i keep it short, sweet and extremely random.

case in point- i just got home from chicago where i've spent the last eight days. it's hard to go back there because technically, it is home to me and being there makes me want to move back. it's not a feasibly possible thing for me right now because i need to have my degree and a job and oh yeah, that little thing called money. i like orlando. i like chicago. i may even end up somewhere completely random in the long run. i'm keeping my options open but the nomadic itch is starting to push its way through again.

i leave you with me and my rocking side pony before i get my hair did at the end of the month. woooooooord.

2010-05-07T21:33:00.003-04:00

summer has officially started for me now. one more semester (going in the fall) to finish and then i have a bachelor's degree. road trips to the beach have started. road trips to ybor have started. florida is hot. my statements are truth.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

2010-04-22T23:51:00.002-04:00

you're supposed to do what makes you happy in life, right? be who you want to be. do what you want to do. go with the flow. enjoy the ride.

not according to my mother.

i went downstairs to get a drink and she called me over to her to ask me a favor. said favor is that i get no more piercings or tattoos. she said that if she wanted to have another son, then she would have had another son and that my tattoos and piercings make me manly and not a girl and that ladies don't do these sorts of things. what is this? the 1950's? no offense but i am no june cleaver. i may dress like her once in a while just because i can and i want to but i'm not going to be some docile housewife who's going to give my husband a martini when he gets home from work. to be blunt, fuck that.

angryface.

2010-04-16T00:19:00.003-04:00

dearest blog of mine. how i neglect you. i get caught up in a whirlwind of work and school and the shambled adventures that count as my social life and i forget to show you love. for that, i am sorry.

things have been nutty lately. my job at lush is absolutely amazing and i love getting to work there as much as i get to because i'm constantly learning new things and meeting new people from all over the world. my co-workers are all amazing people and i feel like i gain new life insights from them all. my job definitely makes me feel like actively working towards being a more positive person overall and makes me feel like trying to make a bigger impact on the world.

school's winding down for the semester. one class over summer and i'll officially have my bachelor's degree in history. i'm unsure as to how i feel about it and what i'm planning on doing afterwards. i really like working at lush so i may try to stay there for a good while and work my way upwards if at all possible. i really feel like i'm only getting my degree now to have it as a backup plan. i just refuse to teach in florida now, thanks to charlie crist and his being a dumbass. education in this state and in the nation in general needs some serious help. sigh. rant rant rant.

i also have been delving back into having a bit of a social life. i hang out with more people now, grab lunch with friends, visit others. with my grandpa and my aunt being gone for two weeks, i've had the opportunity to go out a little bit more and now that i've had the taste of freedom again, i'm going to be highly reluctant to let it go.

WARNING: MASSIVE COMPLAINTS COMING ON. with my grandpa and aunt living her, all we do is cater to them. they've forced my parents to sleep on a sofa bed for nearly three years now. we're forced to do their bidding with no gratitude. take them to doctor's. rearrange our schedules to fit about five doctor appointments in a week. listen to them beat a dead horse by complaining about each other constantly and with that, it's the cycle of whine, rinse and repeat. i love them both so dearly and the first year and a half, i was totally fine putting up with this. it meant i got to see them and spend time with them. however, the welcome has worn itself thin. my grandfather treats my mom so badly that it infuriates me to see her get treated like shit. she and i may not get along all the time but she doesn't deserve that crap. my aunt literally just mopes around the house all day. it depresses me constantly because i can be in the best of moods and within five minutes, her glum face and pessimistic views rip that completely to shit. i never talk about this to the full extent with anybody and it gnaws away at me sometimes and i just get so mad but it's life and it's the situation we've been dealt to deal with right now so i have to suck it up and keep chugging along and continue to find the happiness in the little things in life.

like the smell of orange blossoms from the orange grove by my house that are in full bloom right now. i drive by it with my windows down and a a smile on my face. allergies be damned, i'm going to revel in that smell while they're still in bloom. i also treasure h&m's leggings. see? it really is the little things. they fit beautifully and don't pill and are ridiculously soft and i wear my pair as often as humanly possible. murder by death's new album. the smell of fresh lemongrass. my cat licking my nose to show her affection. my friends. my family. my job. chocolate.

life is hard a lot of the times and i still have it fucking good so no matter what, i will always try to be grateful. i will wake up each day and be thankful that i'm still breathing and that i've gotten out of bed. i will find joy in small moments. i will be happy.

i blog in lists. it's what i do.

2010-03-17T23:36:00.002-04:00

- harvest of hope rocked. new favorites are mucca pazza for sure. huge ass marching band from chicago with rad people who are down to hang. also met man man. awesome awesome. I ALSO HUGGED KEVIN DREW. it was like my sixteen year old dream come true. so amazing.
- our store's set to reopen soon. totally stoked on it. it's gonna look wicked amazing plus i miss seeing all the girls (and one guy).
- my aunt got some bad health news. it's really like throwing another chip onto the shit pile that is her health but we're all hoping for the best and sending good vibes her way.
- my birthday's in a week. i'm going to be 23. it's weird. i don't care about it BUT i do care about the dillinger escape plan and darkest hour show that's happening the day before. heeeeeeeeell yeaaaaaaaaaaah.

2010-03-02T22:50:00.002-05:00

random list time!

- i really have let my room get out of control. tomorrow, i'm cleaning it all up again after my midterm.
- that being said, i'm not horribly worried about my midterms and that worries me. vicious cycle.
- at work, we get our products with stickers that have the faces of people who made said product. there's this one guy with a burly beard and i have fallen for him based on the cartoon sticker of him and his beard. it could work.
- i've been sleeping in nightgowns late;y and wearing more dresses. it's not that i have a particular affinity for them, i just really don't like pants.
- i'm figuring out that while i have fairly girly, i have some really masculine attributes. like forgetting deodorant, forgetting to shave, wearing clothes a few days in a row. it's not because i want to be like a dude, i'm just forgetful and lazy. just saying.
- harvest of hope is coming up soon and freaking BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE is gonna be there! totally worth going for that reason alone. that and it's me and my girls enjoying st. augustine and some liquor. it's going to be epic.
-also, disney trip soon! holla!

2010-02-25T10:50:00.002-05:00

i am sitting in french class.

i am not learning french.

instead, i am browsing the internet and updating this with useless crap.

i met a guido last night. i called him arms. his biceps looked like an orange got stuck under his skin. it was gross but strangely intriguing.

shamu also killed someone last night. again. three strikes and the whale is out.

baaaaai~

2010-02-15T21:43:00.002-05:00

i do not exercise.

i prefer cuddly beds and ice cream and loafing around to sweating and smelling like body odor and ripped muscles.

however, i do not like the lethargic feeling that i get from no energy or what i feel is the chubby belly that greets me in the morning. note- i do not think i am overly fat but i have heft on me. if you have seen me, you can at least give me that much.

i want to change while i'm still young enough that i can establish better health habits in my life that will last me. that is why, starting tomorrow, i am going on a diet and exercise regime.

feel free to laugh at this point. i laughed at myself for considering this for like twenty minutes.

starting tomorrow, i embark on the p90x workout. i can already guarantee that there will be days of it not being done, due to work obligations and concerts and such but i am going to stick to the schedule as much as i can. i also am making modifications to my diet, some more slowly than others. no more pop at all. more fruits and vegetables. smaller portions. and the kicker for me is that i'm going to start phasing out some meat from my diet. this is the change that will probably take me the longest and maybe not even fully until i move out of my house but eventually i'd like to get down to maybe just chicken and fish.

tomorrow, i will be posting about the first workout and how i'm doing on the whole 'diet' thing. this is going to be an interesting 90 days.

2010-02-07T23:46:00.002-05:00

unf unf unf, wade macneiil. you are a sessy beast of a man.

2010-02-04T20:06:00.003-05:00

i was gonna recap the trip to naples but i got bummed out about my evening and instead am going to take a nice hot bath and forget my woes.

the saga of donating plasma

2010-02-02T10:22:00.002-05:00

so yesterday... i decided to do my part to save a few lives (and get a couple extra bucks in cash >.>) by going to donate plasma.

WORST. IDEA. EVER.

i got to the place around 2:30 and there was a bunch of nasty, skeezy people up in that bitch. i figured i could stick it out and that i'd be cool. it took them three hours to process all my info, weigh my fat ass and get my a physical from the doctor. mind you, i wasn't allowed water because they had to take my temperature. BAD IDEA THERE, TOO, PEOPLE.

so i went in, they stuck this huge ass needle in my arm that made it itch like a mofo and started sucking out my blood. kind of cool to watch but this creepy dude kept staring at my tatters, which was definitely not approvable. after four cycles of them spinning my blood around all willy-nilly like and sucking my plasma out, which BTWZ looks just like bacon grease which is totally ick nast city, they told me that i was good to go. i stood up and was cool. no problems? so i thought.

i got up to go get my monies and i started feeling odd. i went into the bathroom and peed and my head felt really heavy and i was stumbling around. i got out and satd down in a chair and i PASSED THE FUCK OUT. i remember coming to and having the nurse snapping her fingers in my face and feeling like shit. they dragged me to the nurse's room and they checked my vitals for a half hour. i laid down and felt all peachy but when i sat up, i got wicked gross feeling.

i ended up having to get an extra bag of saline and the dude couldn't get the needle in. they got blood all over my leggings. my parents had to come pick me up. they made fun of me the rest of the night. in retrospect, it is hilarious. at the time, it was embarrassing.

and that is the story of my donating plasma. and it is never going to happen again.

2010-01-27T00:50:00.002-05:00

people come into my mom's work and since she apparently is the cream of the crop and the top of the pops when it comes to being awesome at what she does, they sometimes give her stuff. we think the sucker in the picture is a pomelo. all i know is that it's freaking huge and heavy and i can't wait to eat it.

oh, citrus fruit. you're the one benefit of florida.

2010-01-22T01:57:00.002-05:00

it's nearly two in the morning. by the time this posts, it'll be past that. i can't sleep. this is the third night insomnia has struck me again. i don't know why it just kind of comes and goes like this. i'll sleep like a baby tomorrow and be back to normal for a few weeks and it'll come back again.

nothing's even bothering me and that is what's bothering me. contradictory statement, huh? my life is totally awesome right now. i got a sweet new job, my family stuff is pretty calm on the home front right now, school is going just fine. so with everything in my life being on the up and up, it boggles me still that my mind just won't stop being a whirly bird and let me rest.

i like that my cure to this is listening to tilly and the wall and wearing a fake mustache. i r00l.

lush lush lush

2010-01-17T15:46:00.002-05:00

but not the kind you're thinking of.

the store, lush. the best place ever. I GOT A JOB THERE. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

the end.

things i love

2010-01-15T00:30:00.002-05:00

-idiots on the internet. your argument is moot. don't even try to bother sassing me! what's it gonna get you? fifty cool points behind a screen? DO NOT THINK SO.

-tila tequila. that mogwai looking troll has gone off her trolley past cuckoo town and is clear on her way to the valley of the padded rooms. she is 'mourning' the death of her fake fiancee, claiming she is pregnant with her brother's surrogate child and is now saying that she is an angel sent by god that disobeyed him and now suffers for it. as much as i know i should look away, i can't. at least not until they drag her midget ass off to the looney bin.

- JERSEY SHORE?!?!?! MIDGETS WITH BUMP-ITS AND FAKE TANS AND FAKE BOOBS AND FISTS FLYING AND THE CRYING AND ACCENTS AND THE FIST PUMPS! OH GODDDDDDDDDD, THE FIST PUMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!. ahem, excuse me. returning back to my calm self. yeah, the show is okay.

- tootsie roll pops. you forget how awesome those things are until you get one again and bam, you're sucked back in on the suckers. but only the outside sucker part. the chocolate crap sucks balls. it's like chewing plastic off a stick. blech.

- my cat and her addiction to catnip. that shit's like weed for kitties. i walked in my sister's room this morning and she yanked the bag out and chewed five big holes in it and scattered it all over the place so she could gallivant in it. she's spent the rest of the day stoned out of her mind and she ate a whole bag of cheetos and a box of fudgsicles. kidding about some of this.

and this was this week's edition of things i love.

2010-01-08T17:43:00.001-05:00

i'm feeling pretty excited about this upcoming next year and so, i give you the muppets!

2010-01-05T18:51:00.003-05:00

the past week, i've been feeling bummy. i think it stems from the changes in weather and me being sick plus contemplating all the major changes in my life that will be occurring over the next year. and what, pray tell, might those changes be?

i am supposed to graduate college this next semester and move to atlanta by december. the graduation deadline is set for me, the move to atlanta is a date that i am setting for myself.

i need to be on my own. be out of my comfort zone. i've lived with my family for nearly 23 years and in orlando for nearly 18 of them. i love it here, don't get me wrong, but i need to be an actual adult and step out into the real world and do something with my life.

the thought terrifies me. leaving the nest is scary shit. i've been sheltered from having to deal with actual adult tasks like paying bills and buying essentials but as much as it scares me, i'm also way excited for it. i'm ready to live somewhere where i still know some people and where i can meet a whole load of new ones. i'm ready to live in a bigger city that still isn't so large that i feel completely lost. i'm ready to make that change.

i think.

2010-01-01T16:22:00.002-05:00

i am very perturbed with some people in my life right now. apparently, being straight forward and overtly blunt just still can't cut it sometimes when it comes to getting a message across. i can't figure out quite how to word things but it's just a nagging itch i have that i have to get rid of. while i ponder my life and the changes i'm going to make, here's some la dispute to weave into your brain's lobes.

new year's resolutions

2009-12-24T15:33:00.002-05:00

i know that i'm extremely sporadic when it comes to actually updating this thing but i've decided to make myself a list of new year's resolutions to try and make myself better over the course of not only the next year but my life. yet again, it's another list. go figure.

- try to learn more. this is a particularly good gem because i feel that while i may be fairly knowledgeable in certain aspects of worldly subjects, i am severely lacking knowledge in most of them and honestly, does anyone like feeling like a hurr durr? i think not.
- surround myself with better people. self-explanatory.
- move to atlanta and find a good job for me.
- read more books.
- go out more and enjoy the life i have.
- GRADUATE.

i think this is a decent start for me. the end.

random blurbs

2009-12-23T01:27:00.002-05:00

- once a pretentious douchebag, always a pretentious douchebag. i'd rant more but this statement probably applies to a lot of people. blanket statement ftw!
- being gone from orlando for any period of time makes me miss it and yet makes me want to leave that much more.
- insomnia is both friend and foe.
- my attempts to be witty and deep and thoughtful suck. it leads me back to the first statement i made. i am basically a pretentious douchebag. that being said, here's some la dispute to use as awkward transitioning music away from my blog.

2009-12-09T22:50:00.001-05:00

i love ryan anderson so much. i wish the magic would let him do something like this.

2009-12-06T22:55:00.001-05:00

i am a bad blog mommy. bad bad blog mommy.

my life is crazy. i don't even know what to say about it anymore. things are ridiculous. it's very funny but very boggling.

back from said brief internet hiatus

2009-11-02T21:10:00.001-05:00

i caved and got a tumblr. i have hit every freaking internet phenom.

thisurlwastaken.tumblr.com

lulz at myself

2009-10-26T22:01:00.002-04:00

okay, i don't feel much like full on blogging but bullet points ought to work just fine. so away we go!

- my aunt is still in the hospital. we're in week 4 now. there's no set date for her getting out. she has to have surgery to fix a prolapsed rectum (cue the ew's). she's still batshit crazy. highlight of her nuttiness- she told her doctors that she cooked our cat and ate it. note: the cat is totally fine. some of what's going on with her is hilarious, most of it is terrifying. it's just one big game of limbo.

- i'm planning on applying for grad school(s) within the next few months. i really want to go to georgia state for historical preservation but i'm also going to apply to ucf and university of west florida as backup. i also need to rework my resume, curriculum vitae, get my letters of recommendation and write a personal statement. oh, and look for internships. no sweat. i'm stressed over it but it's totally manageable. i really am excited for this next chapter of my life.

- school kind of bores me right now. only having two classes doesn't cut it for me. i need shit to do. i need the challenge and the busyness of school, not of life.

- i'm going to atlanta in december officially to see lydia and norma jean and gsu and suno and the vortex. i am so excited that i can't even wait. i want to go now.

- my halloween costume is a housewife gone commando. i'm calling it gi june cleaver.

i'm bored and stalling on my class reading. whatevs.

2009-10-21T22:05:00.001-04:00

i have started the process of looking for/applying to grad school(s). my stress level has jumped about fifty notches in two days. not cool.

2009-10-20T14:29:00.003-04:00

i remember what it was like to see him sitting at the kitchen table in the mornings, waiting for everyone else in the house to get up and get going. when he was here, i would always wake up because the smell of coffee brewing would get to me and i'd know he was up and ready to do whatever he wanted with his day. if i was lucky, i'd have him to myself for a whole hour and i would sit and eat cereal while he drank from his never ending cup. he used to leave puddles from his cup that would pool and that i would drag my fingers through gleefully to make patterns that made us both smile.

i remember when he would call when he was home and the two of us would talk about pro wrestling. about who would win and who would lose and we would argue over me liking ultimate warrior and how he thought he would do nothing. he would call during bears/packers games and talk smack about the bears and how the packers were guaranteed to win and when they'd lose, he'd chalk it up to a fluke. he'd call me a good girl and i'd reply with the word poison.

i remember the time we went out to kennedy space center and my uncle wanted him to be in a wheelchair. so distinctly, i heard "not a fucking chance. i'm not fucking crippled. i can walk." and walk, he did. i think he did it to prove to my uncle that he didn't need wheels to lug himself around, even when he had to slouch over or lumber.

i remember tugging on the jowl of loose neck skin and him sticking his tongue out to make me laugh.

i remember the picture of him with a smurf.

i remember the flannel shirts he used to wear and how soft they were underneath my fingers.

i remember being the first person of my family to learn that he died.

i remember telling my dad to tell him the night before he died that i'd talk to him later, that i was busy studying for finals.

i say i don't regret anything in my life but this is the one thing i regret fully. i regret not talking to him before he died. i regret blowing it off for something so trivial as a test. what i would give to hear his voice one more time, calling me a good girl. telling me he loves me.

i miss you, grandpa

2009-10-13T13:07:00.002-04:00

i have been slacking on the blog front. nothing important or exciting has been happening, though, so it's kind of justifiable. besides, i think only my-linh ever reads this anyway. let's do a quick recap since the last time i updated:

- i'm done with being sick! yay!
- my aunt is still in the hospital. things are still pretty bad there but they don't know what they can really do there.
- me and my-linh went to our first magic game of the season! we won and it totally rocked. i got to explain to people my crazy love for marcin gortat. mmm, gortat.
- i have to go to my grandpa's thursday-saturday as his chauffeur. it blows because he lives in the middle of freaking nowhere with a whole group of old people. blargh.
- been working a lot. been doing the school bit a lot. been doing a lot, haha.
- i have officially curtailed my spending in an effort to save up money to school next semester so i can, you know, graduate and also for my trip to atlanta in december.
- on that note... i am planning my annual trip up to the atl to see one of my besties, lydia. this year, the trip is planned around us seeing norma jean but i also am going to try and feel out the city a little bit and maybe even poke around for jobs while i'm there.
- i have to start looking into post-college life stuff now. like jobs. and grad school. and where to live. it freaks me out. so. much.

so basically, if you made it through that, congrats! here's a gif(t)!

when i have anything valid, i'll make this shit better.

health post

2009-09-30T17:33:00.002-04:00

i'm sick. i think i caught the creepy crawlies from my-linh, which i'm fine with, because i boucne back from illness relatively fast. i just feel like poop.

my aunt is really sick, though. they thought her lady parts had prolapsed, which means that they were poking out when they're not supposed to. the doctors in the e.r. said it's actually her rectum sticking out. that terrifies me. her immune system is suppressed from chemo, which keeps her disease in check, and if she gets an infection she could die. they're thinking they need to do surgery on her and that could kill her too. she had clotting disorders that can kill her while she's in there. there's so many things going on with her right now that it scares the fuck out of me. i get annoyed with her sometimes but she doesn't deserve this crap. i don't want her to be pain like i know she is and i don't like thinking that this stuff can kill her. i know i'm thinking of the worst case scenario but i have to because it's always a possibility with her and the way her disease is. i just wish i could make her not hurt or make this shit go away.

2009-09-28T19:01:00.002-04:00

i'm working on my paper for my us history class and while not hard, i seem to be struggling with finding the right words to put down. stupid wars.

i'm listening to cursive while i write, though, and it helps a little bit. tim kasher makes me aspire to be smarter and happier. idk why.

2009-09-21T20:24:00.003-04:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

that is how this paper is making me feel. my bank account won't post the rest of my check yet so i can't get what i want in the american apparel sale on hautelook or my effin books! THIS IS CRAP!

random musings

2009-09-15T07:52:00.002-04:00

- luke hoskin from protest the hero is probably in all seriousness the cutest canadian man to ever exist. arguments could be made for wade macneill from alexisonfire but wheelchair jimmy from degrassi will never qualify.
- that being said, i very clearly have a thing for canandian men. i'd say canadian musicians but they gave us bryan adams and i'm unsure as to how i feel there.
- when you realize you're about to brush your teeth with bath & body works liquid antibacterial vanilla sugar soap, you sure as hell become a lot more grateful for those dang blue beads they got.
- president obama calling kanye west a jackass is by far the funniest and saddest thing ever. when the president of the nation puts us on an official love lockdown like that, you gotta wonder what's going on.
- the anna sui for target line was a serious letdown. it's bad when the only dress you thought was ugly ends up being the cute one on you that you buy and the pretty ones look like shit on you. seriously, the blue dress from the blair line made me look like violet beuregarde from willy wonka. not cute. let me repeat, NOT. CUTE.
- this is all an elaborate ruse to avoid getting ready for school.

and here's a gif because i need flashy things to distract me always.

i love me some toki wartooth.

yeah

2009-09-14T23:38:00.000-04:00

i got nothing right now

well....

2009-09-08T20:55:00.004-04:00

i was planning on writing a post about my love for basketball BUT that one is just going to have to wait because upon my departure from my nightly shower, i find out that katrina is doing a monthly giveaway!

i mean, look at how effin cute that is! that one's not up for givesies this time but she is giving away both a wishbone necklace and a i <3 paris necklace. so, if you really love me, you're gonna go and enter this shit too and win it and give it to me! the link's below!

http://elementnineteen.wordpress.com/2009/09/09/september-giveaway
http://anirtak.etsy.com

protest the hero

2009-09-02T22:33:00.004-04:00

okay, my obsession with this band is continuing to escalate to epic proportions. it all started at warped tour 08 when lydia, one of my besties, decided that we needed to see this band called protest the hero. by the end of the set, i was hooked. any band that says that miami is built on cocaine and murder and breaks the rule of not swearing in public by dropping the f-bomb all over the place earns my love.

it's just growing from there.. youtube videos of them. twitter posts. blogs. it's getting to be bad. if there's ever a dvd, i will be dead.

sigh. i love this band.

2009-08-31T20:24:00.001-04:00

for some ungodly reason, my blog apparently can't be viewed. go figure. fml.

lists and gif(t)s that have nothing to do with nothing

2009-08-29T23:26:00.004-04:00

i feel like doing a brief overview of myself because a) i can't remember if i have or not and b) i'm too lazy to go back through my previous posts to look. i'll break up the monotony with gif files....per usual.

name: jillian leigh. aliases include jill, jilly, jillybeans, jillarin, jill the robot and various other things that have been dealt to me over the years.

birthday: march 24th, 1987. that makes me 22 if you don't want to do the math. i'm both a young 22 and an old 22. a contradiction, yes, but that's the story of my life.

family: mother, lynn. father, tom. older sister, kelly. her husband, ricky. her kids, isabella and nathan. older brother, brandon. younger sister, caitlyn. grandpa, howard. aunt, susie. uncle, pete. crapload of cousins and such.

pets: one crazy kitten named burglar. love her but she destroys everything.

origins: born in oak lawn, illinois. lived in alsip and great lakes, illinois until the age of 5. moved to orlando, florida in 1992 and have been here since.

schooling: durrance elementary, waterford elementary, cypress springs elementary. discovery middle. university high school. valencia community college where i got an aa in general studies. university of central florida where i am going for a bachelor's in history. as of now, ucf is looking to hold me a few more years because the possibility of grad school. ew.

music: for this one, i'm linking my last.fm account because it's too much work to get the dang list up. http://www.last.fm/user/ifoundyou. there

interests: clothing. internet shopping. bestie hangouts. food network. travel channel. anthony bourdain. bizarre foods. harassing tourists. random car trips. naps. eating. the plaza theater in downtown orlando. the enzian. the social. backbooth. going to shows. reading ontd (biggest guilty pleasure). history. museums. field trips. love. laughter. life.

random factoids: i refuse to eat bananas and eggs. tomatoes were on that list but i've been exposing myself to it more slowly and it's not that worst form of torture. i have a phobia of bridges. i have a crush on practically every bearded man under the age of forty. i talk to our cat in a baby voice. i love collecting odd bits of jewelry and crazy purses. i'm a tomboy but i love the color pink.

okay, i think that just about sums it up so boo and yah. next time, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled program.

tuts mi barreh

2009-08-16T21:09:00.002-04:00

EPIC LOLZ

2009-08-15T00:03:00.002-04:00

my mother gave me a lecture tonight about me being pretty. i find it really funny because this is probably the time in my life when i've been most accepting of myself. growing up, i had a hard time being accepting of myself and my body. but now, i finally hit a point where i think i'm somewhat attractive and work (sometimes) to make myself look pretty and dress up when i never used to and she calls me out for not thinking that i am.

i've never been skinny. it's not meant for me, either, i don't think. i have a bigger frame on my body and while i'm not fat, i'm certainly not thin and i'm fine with that. of course, there's always things i want to improve upon. tone up different areas, eat healthier, exercise more but overall, i'm finally at a point in my life where i can look in the mirror and be okay with what i see. i'm not a supermodel, i'll never win a most gorgeous person award but i like how i look and i like who i am and i accept myself, flaws and all. most of the time.

i have tattoos and i have piercings and i dye my hair but these are things i want to do. they're things i choose to do. my mother brought them all up and let out a sigh and flat out told me 'i don't think you realize just how pretty you are." for her to say this is a small miracle. for me to feel it is another one. i am pretty in my own way. i'm not perfect and i love that about myself. and yes, mom, for the record, i do realize that i'm pretty now. so in a weird way, thank you.

oh my cheese whiz

2009-07-20T11:49:00.002-04:00

they are clunky and big and i want them so baaaaaad. i just need to figure out if i can justify it being a hundred and twenty-eight smackaroos! that's pretty much what the bed frame i want from ikea costs! decisions a girl has to make.

anirtak

2009-07-19T17:54:00.003-04:00

anirtak aka my fave etsy person everrrrr is doing a giveaway this month on her blog and it's this massively cute elephant:

sooooo basically, this means you need to go check out herr blog and etsy shop so i can totes win that cute baby and save up my money so i can buy the fork and spoon still before someone else snatches it up! or you know, y'all can buy it for me.

blog: http://elementnineteen.wordpress.com/
etsy shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=4749

note(s) to self...just to be safe

2009-07-18T16:14:00.003-04:00

- don't listen to depressing music while already bummed. it exacerbates the problem that much more.
- lolcats are still the best thing the internet has to offer.
- make a bucket list one day
- be proud of yourself once a day for something
- find something about yourself you find beautiful
- don't ever be afraid of anything. the only thing to fear is fear itself.
- find the guys who invented the macarena and punch them.
- learn how to dance
- smile more

boys

2009-07-12T01:32:00.002-04:00

are funny creatures.

i just want one that will put the same amount of effort into trying to be involved with me as i do them. i don't ask for a lot of time and i'm not overly clingy. once a week is normally perfect for me. i don't demand attention or to be taken out or pampered. i don't get jealous easily and i try to avoid as much as drama as possible.

that being said, i just want things to settle down in my life. i want to find a decent guy that wants to spend a little time with me and maybe hold my hand and cuddle once in a while. hang out and have random adventures with me. smile for no reason.

maybe i'm asking for and expecting too much. love like the movies doesn't exist but i'm aiming for something awfully close.

i love this baby

2009-07-03T11:59:00.001-04:00

this little beast is known as burglar. she's crazy. she's my favorite thing about coming home at the end of the day. she likes to wake me up by ninja attacking my foot and headbutting my chin. i lovez her.

stolen from the bessie; excellent mood and no reason for it

2009-07-01T11:58:00.003-04:00

Are you dating the last person you talked to?
nope. single eagle and cool with it.

When is the last time you took a nap?
about a week ago but not for lack of trying

What are you listening to right now?
jenny lewis 'next messiah'

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
my mom

What was on your mind most today?
cheese. not even joking.

Something that happened today that made you angry?
my aunt barged into my room while i was half naked. not fucking cool. my cha chas were out all willy nilly for a good five minutes while she stood there. oy.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
both really. i'd rather not hide them because it builds up and makes me feel odd.

Do you wear makeup?
depends on the day

Are you missing someone?
yes but i don't know who it is

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
for the most part. there are some things that can't be given another chance. cheating, major lies, etc.

What instant messaging service do you use?
aim

Would you date/hook up with your brother's best friend?
LMAO, HELL NO. he makes fun of me and my boots. i want to punch him in the face.

What color is your hair?
brownish

Who was the last person you hugged?
the boys i babysit for. they give me hugs when they're really happy. i like it.

Who was the last person you talked to in person?
my aunt...while half naked.

What are you doing tonight?
either laying around the house or playing rock band with some friends

What did you do yesterday?
slept, went to lunch with my sister and her boyfriend, went to school for my midterm, went to dinner with my folks and watched some movies

Are you happy right now?
yeah, i am

Is your phone beside you?
in my pocket

Are you cold?
nope

First thing you do when you wake up?
roll over and push the cat away so i can go back to sleep sans tail in my mouth

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?
depends on how tired i am

What do your friends call you?
jill, jilly, jillybeans, jitterbug, etc etc etc.

What is your pet's name?
burglar

Do you cry a lot?
not as much as i used to. people don't really how sensitive i actually i am but when i cry, it's epic scale.

Would you prefer to date a celebrity?
my idea of 'celebrity' is not like others so there's some band dudes i would not mind but i never would stand a chance so no

Are you good at keeping secrets?
depends on the secret

Do you participate in gym class?
dodgeball ftw

What are you doing tomorrow?
working and going to class

First person under 'F' on your cell phone?
fusian, hahahahaha

What would you do if your last crush came up to you and apologized for something they did?
think that hell froze over, jussayin

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
nope

Have you ever flirted with a friends crush?
no way! there are unwritten codes that say you never go after a friend's man. gosh.

Last movie you watched?
this japanese short called rattle rattle. it was dumb dumb.

Has anyone ever sang to you?
not really

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
probably not. i'd get eaten by a goose or something.

What is your favorite color?
gray and pink

What color are your eyes?
hazel

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when?
my daddy the other night

Do you like your parents?
for the most part. i love them but sometimes we disagree hardcore.

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?
sleep

How long does it take you to shower?
about five minutes. baths take longer.

Think back eight months ago, were you single?
when am i not?

When you say you don't care, do you mean it?
about half the time

How are you feeling?
a little groggy, full from lunch but mostly content with my day

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
nope

What were you doing right before you logged into Myspace?
i never log into myspace anymore so i have no clue

Do you have a piggy bank that's actually shaped like a pig?
i did a long time ago. now, it's an urn from nightmare before christmas.

Do you want to start over with anyone?
not really, no

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
blue cheese, yum yum

Do you like the night time?
i really do

Anything you would change about your life right now?
there's always room for improvement

Would you ever give your number out to a stranger?
i have before

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
and in parking lots. i have no shame.

Could you cry right now?
nope

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?
sometimes when i think about my grandparents

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
not very often. i lack internal sensors.

Do you have an older brother?
yes and he's a complete douchenugget. last time i saw him, he put me in a headlock. i'm going to kick him in the jewels one day.

Are you okay with the life you live?
pretty much. i wish there was more spontaneity sometimes but considering what i have to do with my family, there's a lack of it and i'm fine with it for now.

Last person you told a secret to?
probably my-linh. i tell her everything.

Do you believe true love can conquer anything?
no prince charmings but there are people that come close

Do you like to take walks?
sometimes

Can you recall the last person you liked a lot?
of course

What would you name your future daughter?
i don't know

Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put your hood up?
hoodie

How much money did you spend today?
none but i need to get gas at some point

What are you sitting on right now?
computer chair

What's something you really want right now, be honest
to have a break, to have someone to cuddle and to have some pie

How do you feel about your hair right now?
i need to straighten it so i can go to work cos i look a hot mess

Do you talk a lot?
duh

Can you play pool?
yes but i'm not good

Who was the last person you shared a blanket with?
my-linh during the nba draft

Has anybody ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
once

Name something great that happened today.
i ate cheese.

Who was the last person's voice you heard?
my aunt's. it's not pretty.

When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
this morning

Do you curse a lot?
fuck yeah, i do

Was the first person you talked to today male or female?
female

What are you not looking forward to?
i can't think of anything

Are you a jealous person?
not really

When was the last time you ate skittles?
easter?

Anyone you're looking forward to seeing soon?
every day, whoever i meet

Has anything happened to you in the past month that made you really mad?
not really, been kind of bummed over some things but not mad

Do you ever hang out with people you don't like just because you are bored?
no! that's stupid.

Do you have siblings over the age of 21?
yes

What is your favorite kind of weather?
cold

Are you a loud person?
yes

Are you a fast typer?
yes but i'm what they call a chicken pecker. i only use two fingers.

Have you ever moved?
i think my total is four but i only remember three of them.

Do you usually write with good grammar?
I AM A STICKLER FOR GOOD GRAMMAR. it annoys me when people type horribly.

recap on the crazy ass week

2009-06-29T00:45:00.002-04:00

- i finally got my first tattoos

- fell in love with rocky horror and the rich weirdos.
- motorboated fake boobs. let me just say, trannies are creative as fuck when it comes to making fake chachis.
- got told by a drag queen that i was fierce. felt amazing.
- actually dressed up a few times this week. felt pretty. liked the feeling. a lot.
- i have grown tired of the chase. always the chaser, never the chasee. waiting to see what happens.
- in regards to that last one, not rushing anything anymore and feeling good about it. waiting to see what life throws at me.

alphabetz

2009-06-24T12:46:00.002-04:00

don't feel much like blogging so here's a swiped survey

A
- Available: yarp
- Age: 22
- Annoyance: bad drivers, being underestimated, unnecessarily rude people, indecisiveness
- Animal: burglar the cat dog
- Actor: simon pegg and nick frost all the way

B
- Beer: nasty as shit. give me the hard liquor please.
- Birthday/Birthplace: march 24, 1987 in oak lawn, illinois
- Best Friends: my-linh, lydia, amber, may, josh
- Body Part on opposite sex: beards beards beards
- Best feeling in the world: the kind of happy where you feel so giddy that your heart feels like it's going to burst open
- Blind or Deaf: blind because you can still feel and understand what things may look like but not being able to hear would drive me mad
- Best weather: five minutes before it storms and the wind is going crazy and it cools off a lot/ fall and winter weather
- Been in Love: not yet but still holding out
- Been bitched out?: lmao, all the time
- Been on stage?: yep!
- Believe in yourself?: depends on the dat
- Believe in life on other planets: not sure yet
- Believe in miracles: yes
- Believe in Magic: FUCK YES
- Believe in God: debatable
- Believe in Satan: i can think of a few people i call satan
- Believe in Santa: ho ho ho no
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: not really until i see it
- Believe in Evolution: meh, impartial

C
- Car: hyaundai elantra
- Candy: cry baby extra sour tears are ballinnnnn
- Color: gray
- Cried in school: yup
- Chocolate/Vanilla: i love both
- Chinese/Mexican: chinese
- Cake or pie: pie
- Country to visit: i wanna go to iceland something fierce. i don't know why but i just really want to.

D
- Day or Night: night
- Dream vehicle: 1969 fully restore ford mustang. mmmmm.
- Danced: in my bedroom
- Dance in the rain?: with little kids
- Do the splits?: LMAO NO

E
- Eggs: worst. food. EVER.
- Eyes: hazel. they change colors depending on the situation. i am a walking mood ring.
- Everyone has a: heart.
- Ever failed a class? nope

F
- First crush: i still remember, will not name names for the life of me
- Full name: jillian leigh leonhardt
- First thoughts waking up: what the fuck did i just dream about?
- Food: my number one all time fave is chocolate pudding pie

G
- Greatest Fear: never finding love, being alone
- Giver or taker: giver
- Goals: i have way too many. i'm starting a bucket list.
- Gum: orbit all the way
- Get along with your parents?: the majority of the time
- Good luck charm: nothing

In guys/girls
Eye color: doesn't matter
Hair Color: dark colors
Height: any but normally prefer taller
Clothing Style: normally scenester style, tight jeans, band shirts, beards are the best accessory
Characteristics: intelligent, funny, romantic, affectionate, silly, sweet, quick thinker, assertive

H
- Hair Color: right now, dark brown. naturally, blonde.
- Height: 5'7
- Happy: most of the time
- Holiday: halloween
- How do you want to die: either in my sleep or doing something heroic
- Health freak?: yeaaaaaah right
- Hate: i don't hate, i strongly dislike

I
- Ice Cream: cherry garcia
- Instrument: none but i like to sing

J
- Jewelry: earring in the tragus, bar through my ear, multicolored gauges (i'm at a 4), hoop through my septum, ring on my middle finger, hair tie as a bracelet
- Job: nanny

K
- Kids: who knows?
- Kickboxing or karate: kickboxing
- Keep a journal?: this is as close as it gets

L
- Longest Car Ride: chicago to orlando when i was little, orlando to new york city last summer
- Love: everything
- Letter: q. it's so underrated.
- Laughed so hard you cried: damn straight. i have funny friends.
- Love at first sight: i believe in it.

M
- Milk flavor: white.
- Movie: stardust.
- Mooned anyone?: LMAO YEP AND FLASHED, TOO.
- Marriage: we'll see
- Motion sickness? no. sea sickness, yes.
- McD’s or BK: neither. team taco bell.

N
- Number of Siblings: 3
- Number of Piercings: 5, 4 in the ears and 1 in the septum
- Number: 13

O
- Overused Phrases: like, holy crap, fuck
- One wish: to be a mermaid for the day
- One phobia: large crowds

P
- Place you’d like to live: atlanta or canada
- Perfect Pizza: lazy moon with goat cheese and sundried tomatoes
- Pepsi/Coke: coke zero

Q
- Quail: man?
- Questionaires: amuse me

R
- Reason to cry: boys
- Reality T.V.: is slightly an addiction
- Radio Station: if i have to, xl 106.7
- Roll your tongue in a circle? can do

S
- Song: murder by death's 'three men hanging'
- Shoe size: 11
- Salad Dressing: ranch
- Sushi: YUM
- Skipped school: yes
- Slept outside: not really
- Seen a dead body? yes
- Smoked?: mebbe
- Skinny dipped? yup
- Shower daily? prefer baths
- Sing well?: tolerable. my sister told me i have a pretty voice.
- In the shower? too much
- Swear?: fuck yeah
- Stuffed Animals?: in my closet and storage boxes
- Single/Group dates: much prefer single
- Strawberries/Blueberries: raspberries
- Scientists need to invent: cures for diseases and flying cars
- Time for bed: whenever
- Thunderstorms: scare me sometimes
- TV: travel channel and food network ftw
- Touch your tongue to your nose:? nope
- Unpredictable: everything

V
- Vegetable you hate: brussel sprouts
- Vegetable you love: sugar snap peas
- Vacation spot: anywhere with my friend

W
- Weakness: being too sensitive
- When you grow up: i wanna be in the circus
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: lydia. she's my black twin.
- Who makes you laugh the most: all of them.
- Worst feeling: being heartbroken
- Wanted to be a model?: maybe for fat people clothes
- Where do we go when we die: hawaii
- Worst weather: any day that i can't go outside

X
-X-Rays: i've had too many to count

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: submarine

Z
- Zoo animal: penguins/monkeys. the monkeys fling poo, the penguins wear tuxedos.
- Zodiac sign: aries

LAST PERSON WHO…
1. Slept in a bed beside you? my-linh at isdc
2. Last person to see you cry? i think it was my-linh and maybe mike the day my uncle died
3. Went to the movies with you? my-linh, amber and juan to see 'up'
4. You went to the mall with? myself
5. You went to dinner with? the family
6. You talked to on the phone? my mom
7. Made you laugh? the boys

2009-06-23T23:30:00.002-04:00

i have to get out of this funk. i put myself here and i ought to be able to get myself back out of it. until the meantime, gif files are good spot of brightness.

especially that one

well

2009-06-23T21:51:00.000-04:00

epic fail on my part apparently.

i give up.

babbling about things since it was a crap day

2009-06-18T21:42:00.003-04:00

everyone has something that they turn to when they want an instant moment of gratification and to find comfort in. on cold days, people turn to hot cocoa and fires and snuggly blankets and soup. these are the things i go to when i need/want to find instant comfort.

- my cuddle pillow. i have one pillow that i sleep holding on to because it makes me feel better to fall asleep holding onto something. i have been made fun of for this but it helps me sleep faster and sleep better.
- my black navy shirt. this thing is so threadbare that there are holes worn into it and it's practically become see-through. it was one of my dad's old shirts from when he was still in the navy and it's one of my favorite possessions.
- my nightgowns. i have two that i switch between, a black silk one and a pink and gray cotton one. they're so soft and cuddly that i just feel better when i'm in one of them and lounging around.
- the cat. no matter how bad my day has been, the cat has a way to make me feel better. it could be the fact that as soon as i get in my room, she jumps up on me and nuzzles me or her licking me or her just sleeping near me. she has quickly become my favorite thing.

it's so silly but these are really the material things that make me feel better. my friends....that's a whole other blog post altogether.

bath routines, oh boy!

2009-06-08T22:04:00.002-04:00

this is so true, even if mine is more a bath thing than a shower thing. when i take a bath, i am very specific in how i have to accomplish all of my tasks. first, i make sure the water is hot but not too hot or else i look like a boiled lobster. then, the running water gets a big squirt of bubbles and i soak for a little while. next is hair washing and conditioner. the conditioner then stays in my hair for the remainder of my tub time. next is face washing and then a face scrub after that. after that, face mask that stays on the rest of the time, too. shaving necessary body parts is next. and after all of that, i have to turn the shower on to rinse out the tub, scrub and loofah my bod and rinse out the conditioner and massage the face mask off. the worst part is, i don't really like to deviate it from it that much.

sigh, i really am girly sometimes.

list of the weeeeeeeeek

2009-05-31T13:20:00.003-04:00

instead of socializing with the crap ton of people that are going in and out of my sister's house at warp speed, i have holed up in her bedroom to type out some random crap. i'm not in the best of moods today so i'm hoping that i can turn my emo little frown upside down and put a smile back on. besides, there's someone somewhere worse off than myself so i really can't be too bummed out. and so, onwards with the random list of the week.

- rocket fuel (the drink) sneaks up on you real fast
- walking in high heels while tipsy is a valuable asset and one of my new favorite skills.
- the orlando magic pwns everyone
- lebron james is overhyped
- i'm way too into basketball
- fire pits are awesome
- cuddle pillows are where it's at
- i miss my sister's kitty
- i'm going to buy her a leash and see if we can't teach her to walk on it
- i want to go fly in space
- it's nice to have a good support system when you're blue (da be de da be di)
- i love my best friend
- i hate getting shitty wake up calls
- i really hate crying, especially in front of other people
- my face looks like a tomato when i get upset
- i love belting out songs in my car on the highway by myself
- i'm glad i realized that before my trip to naples/miami in july
- i ought to be able to afford my feet tattoos by the end of june
- soap operas suck
- i like making lists

i feel slightly better now. all i need now is some lolcats and kitty cuddles and all is right as rain again. ballin'.

isdc

2009-05-31T02:55:00.002-04:00

has definitely proven to be an interesting weekend.

the rest of this is to be determined later.

h8 h8 h8 h8 h8

2009-05-25T00:47:00.002-04:00

my sister got into a sticky situation tonight. she called me to let me know that her best friend had taken her out to a trailer park in the middle of nowhere so that she could get a tattoo. not only was i mad that her friend had told me they were going elsewhere but i was fuming mad that my little sister was being endangered because of it. i wanted to yell until i was blue in the face when my little sister was finally brought home and her friend practically bolted. i'm just glad to see that she got home and got home safely but i'm still really angry that she was in danger at all.

then, to top it off, i got tagged in a note on the facebookz by a former boy interest of mine regarding sirens with the note that people tagged in it would understand why. i'm assuming he's calling me a siren because of how our situation played itself out and how the curiosity of each other lured us both in. it just sucks because it's like re-opening the same wound i had from him before. i'm fully over it but it's like another reminder of why we didn't work. i hate it because i over-analyze it all and what could have been done different but i know it wasn't meant to be.

seriously, what else could happen tonight to make it that much more maddening and confusing?

cough cough hack hack SNEEZEZZZZZZZZZ

2009-05-20T10:08:00.003-04:00

it is going on day nine on me having this funky cough. last monday, i started feeling really tired and sore and then my throat started kicking in and feeling weird, too. the cough kicked in later that night and the migraine started the next day. tuesday, i felt like a truck ran me over. by wednesday, i was back to feeling like my normal groovy self except for this funky ass cough!

seriously. coughs? who knew that coughs would be so bad/distracting? it keeps me awake at night, it makes me feel miserable during the day. i keep coughing everywhere in every place. nyquil with cough syrup didn't help, regular cough syrup didn't work. cough drops? forget about it! i have the mutant cough of doom!

it got so bad that i actually ended up going to the doctor, which is saying a lot. i hate going to the doctor for myself. i prefer letting things run its course and it being done but not this time. i resorted to medical help and am now on a thirty-day medicine that's supposed to dry the cough right out of me. however, it also makes me wicked groggy, it makes me super thirsty and it makes my vision blurry. pros and cons, i guess. here's to hoping the cough of doom dies out sooner than later!

<3 kevin devine and brian bonz

2009-05-08T22:18:00.001-04:00

at about a minute into this video, you see the bassist, ej, point to someone in the crowd and an arm raise up in a fist pump. that fist pump is me. this is proof for my dad that i indeed got called out during the show. boo and yah.

a story through gif files

2009-05-07T00:16:00.002-04:00

the week before summer school is crazy. this kind of crazy:

people this past week have made me feel like this :

or this:

but things are all good and life in general makes me want to do this:

good times

can i just say

2009-04-28T21:32:00.002-04:00

that i absolutely love winning ebay bids? i feel like a total asshole when i put in a high bid with only seconds to spare, knowing that i have just essentially shit in someone's cornflakes, because i end up winning and they end up losing. yet, i still can't help to gloat a little inside when i win my bids. this is what i look like after i win my ebay bids.

i can't help it, i am materialistic at times but this is a material world and i? well, i am a material girl.

2009-04-16T19:36:00.002-04:00

music is such an integral part of my life. almost everything i do involves music somehow. everywhere i go, i have my ipod with me. i sing loudly and quite often off-key to songs on the radio in my car. i sing and dance in my bedroom and in my shower. music is just highly important to me.

a lot of the time, i tend to associate songs with people or with moments that have occurred in my life. most are positive things, some are what could be seen as negative. as i was driving home today, i slipped in a cd i have purposely avoided for a while because of the negative connotations i held of it. there is a song that reminds me of an ex, that we sang together in the car numerous times, that we danced to once, that he held my hand to when we saw it live. as the song came on and filled my car with the yelping notes and painful lyrics that talk about forgetting someone and how they're gone, i finally felt good about the song. i sang along with it loudly and felt happy. gone were the bad memories, i felt happy. i claimed the song back for positive things instead of negative.

wow, how lame.

2009-03-29T23:35:00.001-04:00

and what, suckaaaaaaaaaaa

2009-03-22T12:08:00.002-04:00

two days before i turn twenty-two. i was feeling really depressed about it for a while because of the whole i'm getting older, i haven't done everything i wanted to yet, blah blah blah. and then i realized that i'm only twenty-two. i still (hopefully) have a buttload of time ahead of me to do everything i want to fit in. it's no excuse to sit on my butt and do nothing but it did make me feel better. i'm happy with my life, as crazy as it is. the next few months are looking as if they're going to pan out into being awesome. just like this :

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

2009-03-19T00:45:00.000-04:00

i was going to talk about how freaky deaky my family is but instead, i feel like regaling the nonexistent readers of my blog about what i do when i can't sleep and have homework due.

so far tonight, in the span of four hours, i have
-danced around my bedroom
-cleaned half my room
-quickly abandoned that effort
-fit the contents of my backpack into my purse
-played with facebook
-played with twitter
-played with my fish
-not done my homework

epic

brb

2009-03-07T11:48:00.001-05:00

in panama city for spring break until next sunday

2009-03-04T12:41:00.002-05:00

the culmination of one of the roughest weeks of the semester is about to come to an end in two days. tonight, i have to babysit for the family that i normally do and for the one who got me started in my current job. i love both of them and their kids so much so i don't mind doing it at all. however, i still have to study for my other half of my french midterm and write a five page paper on women in christianity and whether they were oppressed or liberated and then i need to study for the short answer portion of that midterm. I'm not worried because i know that i'll be able to get it all done and pass it.

i keep looking to my friday plans to make myself truck through the rest of my week because william elliott whitmore is coming and all i can say to that is :

no update, just a yummy gif(t)

2009-03-01T15:18:00.000-05:00

things that irk me

2009-02-25T13:11:00.003-05:00

-people who go into my room without permission
-said people who then take, touch or rearrange things so that i either fall, trip, break or lose
-drivers who don't do the limit
-the word fork
-the octo-mom
-not having enough time in one day to do what i need to and get some good sleep

i am not having a good day with patience. however, lady gaga gif files help.

lil wayne

2009-02-19T18:48:00.002-05:00

i blame the basketball team at ucf for this latest addiction of mine. they play lil wayne like no one's business to get the team and the crowd hyped up. however, because i have heard the songs over and over, i have gotten them stuck in my head and in my itunes.

i'm so in love with weezy. sigh.

william elliott whitmore, part deux

2009-02-12T13:52:00.002-05:00

ahhhh, the great love of my musical life. i found him on a fluke. i just wanted to know where that gravelly voice was coming from on the murder by death song 'until morale improves, the beatings will continue' and i knew that the singer, adam, wasn't capable of such a thing yet. doing a little research brought me to dear, sweet william elliott whitmore.

the first song of his i ever heard was 'burn my body' and i was just floored by the voice that came out of this man. it was like nothing i had ever heard before. i promptly downloaded everything of his that i could find and get my greedy little hands on.

i'm totally hooked now and his new album comes out on tuesday. he'll be in orlando march 6th and i will be there, dorking myself out for this magic man.

2009-02-10T21:35:00.001-05:00

i love looking at crimelibrary.com. however, i find it very odd to go to the website and see the face of a girl i went to middle school with. she and her boyfriend are being charged with the murder of her father.

holy crap.

25 things about me that no one wanted/cared/needed to know

2009-02-05T01:28:00.001-05:00

1) The word fork bothers me. I don’t like how it rolls off of my tongue when I say it or when other people say it. The k sound is just weird to me in that word.

2) Before I go to sleep, I have to make sure that the tag on my comforter is at my feet instead of my face, that my sheets are untucked so my feet can be free and I have to rub the side of my foot on my sheet until I fall asleep. I don’t think it’s anything like OCD, just habit.

3) When I walk upstairs, my ankles crack. I think it’s a genetic thing because my dad’s do it, too.

4) I procrastinate. Badly. Even now, I’m doing this instead of studying for my French test.

5) I worry constantly about the most trivial things in life. I worry about the bigger problems in my life and about the world. I just worry a lot.

6) Tim Burton movies are my biggest weakness. I think he’s crazy and brilliant and I just enjoy pretty much anything that man touches or does.

7) I don’t think I’ll ever get married. I don’t know if I’m willing to commit that much time to one sole person.

8) I really don’t think I’m that interesting. It’s making it really hard for me to pick 25 random thingies about myself.

9) I like gif files. They’re a bright spot of sunshine in a bleak day.

10) I really like tea now. It grew on me and now I can’t really go a day without brewing myself a nice little pot. I feel very formal when I drink it, too.

11) I don’t eat bananas. It’s a texture thing. I hate the way it feels in my mouth when I eat it and it squishes up all weird inside the roof of my mouth. Nasty.

12) I want to learn a load of languages. After French, I want to tackle Japanese. I think there’s something beautiful in being multilingual. The fact it also helps your chance of getting jobs is pretty sweet, too.

13) I’m actually shy. Most people don’t realize this about me because I seem very loud and boisterous but I push this out of myself to combat the shyness. I’d rather be a little loud and have someone notice than to be quiet and never be noticed at all.

14) I look for facial hair in men. Most people notice eyes or smile but me? I notice beards and mustaches. I think it’s the most masculine thing ever and it’s normally what makes me a sucker for a man.

15) I love musicals. The majority of my iPod is hardcore or indie music and then I have all my musical scores. It’s just nice to get lost in them.

16) I wish that unicorns could be a real animal because I would totally have one as a pet. I’m obsessed with them.

17) I’m also obsessed with pinup sort of things.

18) I like vintage everything. Clothes, accessories, collectibles. I want to get a tattoo of a 1920’s girl and another of a French Rococo art piece to showcase my love for it.

19) I love art. I’m not necessarily the best person at observing and understanding certain meanings or what was supposed to be interpreted from it but I definitely can appreciate the work that went behind it.

20) I would do anything for my friends or family. Once you’re in with me, you’re pretty much golden. I’m so protective of people and I act like a mama hen and I just refuse to let anything happen to the people I love.

21) I’m an insomniac. It’s something that has developed in the past few years but often times, I just have a difficult time sleeping so I spend my time cleaning or doing homework or putzing around on the internet.

22) I love celebrity gossip sites, especially Oh No They Didn’t.

23) I swear like a sailor. It’s very bad and I’m aware of it but a lot of the time, I don’t even realize that I’m swearing until after the bad word has popped out of my mouth.

24) My dad and I end every sentence to each other with the word man. It’s our thing right now but it probably won’t last forever. We switch up what we do all the time but he and I have certain similar quirks and sayings with each other. He is the best.

25) I am quickly becoming a basketball junkie. I love going to the school games and the Magic games. There’s something very magnetic about getting to scream at dudes chucking a ball around.

2009-01-22T00:19:00.003-05:00

nothing extraordinary is happening in my life and i am totally and utterly happy with it. my life is very excellent right now. i go to classes on tuesdays and thursdays and actually enjoy them (for the most part), i work on mondays, wednesdays, fridays and the occasional saturday and sunday here and there with kids that i adore and enjoy watching grow up and learn new things. i generally get the weekends to myself to hang out with my friends and catch up on schoolwork and my reading. overall, my life is just pretty darn great right now.

i finally got myself a tea set, too, and have been enjoying proper cups of tea whenever i can sneak them in. it makes me feel very posh, not going to lie.

and i am leaving you with my gif of the week :

that is all!

first day of spring semester

2009-01-08T18:13:00.003-05:00

today was the first day back. i think i technically have two semesters left before i graduate with a bachelor's in history. i'm in the process of looking into what to do after graduation (getting a real job, going to grad school, being an adult, etc). basically all of the scary stuff that i really don't want to deal with yet. however, this is going to be a busy semester with a lot of work but it's looking to be really good. here is the breakdown.

early modern ireland- my first class, 10:30 to 11:45. my professor gets a lot of haters and does talk about them but this guy has changed the way i look at school. he makes you think for yourself and refuses to spoonfeed his students, which is how i think classes should be taught. he also makes me laugh when he name drops warren zevon. it'll also be great to see the new kids squirm when he picks on them to give answers.

women and christianity in antiquity and middle ages- 12 to 1:15. there are a lot of kids i know in this class, which is good. i cannot understand the teacher when he speaks, which is not good. this class is going to have a LOT of reading but i think overall, it's going to balance out and be tolerable.

french language- 1:30 to 2:45. our professor wasn't even here today, which amused me. our book costs 200 bucks, which is not good. i'm excited for this because i really do want to learn how to speak french but i know that i'm going to have to work really hard at it.

modern japan- 3 to 4:15.this class holds the potential to be really fucking awesome. i love japan and the history that lies behind the country and our teacher is pretty cool, a little hard to understand, but cool. there's about 50 kids in the class, which ought to be whittled down soon, but it holds a lot of potential.

that is the basic gist of my school schedule and i'm excited to see what happens with it.

2008-12-13T00:02:00.002-05:00

brb until wednesday. going up to atl to see the georgia bestie and to gallavant around town. so far, the set plans are shopping in hipster district galore, food pigouts, world of coca-cola and casey jones/this is hell/evergreen terrace saturday night.

HELLZ YESSSSSS

stressorama

2008-12-08T18:02:00.002-05:00

finals are this week and while my stress level is normally all around out of hand, it's being pushed through the roof this week. my thing right now is trying to ignore it and not worry too much but being a natural born worrier, it's very hard to do.

after my last final thursday, the fun of the break begins. thursday night, i get to have dinner with friends i haven't seen in a while due to varying lives. friday is dim sum and we the kings with my-linh and my little sister. saturday, i leave for atlanta until the 17th and on the 19th, my-linh and i are throwing a vip party at howl at the moon. it makes me feel special for an iota of a second to know i get to be vip for once.

life is generally good right now aside from the crazy amount of stuff and stress but it's all good in the neighborhood.

guilty pleasure #1

2008-11-27T13:31:00.003-05:00

i love ebay. i love it so much more than anyone could ever know. i don't have a credit or debit card because i know that if i did have one in my possession, internet shopping would easily put me into debt and ebay would be the primary culprit. the random mish mash of everything on the site keeps me occupied for hours and the fact that i have about ten stores saved to my favorites that i check every few hours just to see if new stuff has been put up says a lot about my obsession.

the vintage stuff on it gets me.

the deals get me.

ebay gets me.

such a guilty pleasure.

i'm a teapot, letting off my steam

2008-11-15T11:37:00.003-05:00

in my opinion, i think that everyone has someone in their life that they just can't seem to stay away from. no matter what happens and how far away you are from them, how long it's been without talking to them, you can always slip right back into the same old routine with them and feel like it's been five minutes when it could have been years.

i know who that person is for me and i know it's not the best thing for me to keep going back. it's been close to four years now that we've been playing this back and forth game and every time i get sucked back into it, i always end up being hurt. i don't even know if he realizes what he does to me or the effect that he has on me or that i always end up falling for him but it sucks every time because i tell myself that things will change and they never do.

he's coming back around again and i feel myself wanting to revert to the old pattern but i'm tired of it. i'm tired of the tears that i always end up shedding, the pain i always feel and it's all my own doing, it's all my own fault that i let myself get like that. so now, things are going to change.

i've finally realized that i need to put my priorities first, at least in some form. i'm protecting myself and not allowing myself to revert to old ways and not slipping into the way things were. i can have him as a friend but nothing more. i know this now after a lot of soul searching and conversations with friends. it's for the best and although it sucks a little, i know it wouldn't be a healthy thing for me to keep reverting to this pattern.

so, there is a person in our lives that we always seem to find coming back in and out, over and over, but only we're the ones who decide in what aspect we allow them in. and for me, i've finally decided to set my foot down. and i feel better for it.

2008-11-13T00:47:00.002-05:00

i prefer blogging in bullet points. mind you, they always end up being massively elongated bullet points but it seems to be my style so here goes the random bullet point bloggy bits of boring information for the past few days.

- ice skating on a lumpy rink is not the best thing your school can provide. i have the scraped up arm and bruised pelvis to prove this point.
- they need to make mini zambonis for mini ice rinks.
- i want to be paid now so i can buy a yo gabba gabba shirt from hot topic. best kids show ever.
- i'm addicted to twitter like no one's business now. i had once proclaimed that i would never jump on that bandwagon but i have and i do not want off.
- the betsey johnson outlet store is the best thing i have ever seen. even better is that the salesgirl has me in her book now so i get notified of sales before the public.
- victoria's secret love spell is the best scent created by man.
- all cupcakes should come with a pudding center. it makes the whole confection that much cooler in my book.
- boys create a crapload of unnecessary drama without even meaning to half the time. i generally dislike the majority of them at the moment.
- i have become a hermit in my own household due to insane family members. i hate leaving my room just to pee because i'll get bombarded by the questioning squad of whether or not i need anything. i'm 21, i think i know how to get a glass of water by now, thaaaanks.

i think that about covers it

random bits

2008-11-07T23:17:00.003-05:00

-i like spiral notebooks. they keep all my thoughts and ideas neatly bound
-grapes are a food of opportunity
-jank is a fun word
-basketball sucks on tv but is awesome to watch in person
- just because you can wear something doesn't mean that you should
- i have nothing better to write about today so this is filler

2008-11-03T22:37:00.002-05:00

i don't feel much like blogging today but still felt that i needed to write something. what i really want to say, i can't bring myself to say in a public forum like this so it stays in my notebook.

it's hard to express how i really feel sometimes. it's how it is for everybody.

today is a case of the blahs.

2008-11-02T01:26:00.002-04:00

insomnia is a crap thing. wanting to sleep and not being able to is horrible. i've had sporadic spells of this off and on for the past few years due to schoolwork and general life throwing my sleeping patterns and my body out of whack. i have gotten back into another jag of not being able to sleep until 3, 4, 5 in the morning and then sleeping either too little or too much.

i think that the worst part about not being able to sleep is that with nothing else to do, my mind starts to wander and it's not necessarily a good thing. it's not that i'm thinking bad thoughts, it's just that i have about fifty million things flying around in my head at once that crash into each other and run a muck and create all of these different tangents that create more thoughts and when that happens, i normally am in bed with no notebook around me to write any of it down to try and make sense of.

my thoughts and ideas are nothing new, i know. everything i possibly think of has probably already been presented somewhere by someone in some manner but with everything crashing around here all the time, it's hard to think straight. i need notebooks to carry with me to write down everything i think or hear or see or what strikes me. hell, i need stock in that.

even now, the lack of sleep is bringing about the crazy talk. lolcat time to fit the mood.