Monday, March 31, 2008

i'm in an odd sort of a mood today. i looked at pictures of myself and decided that i'm not completely ugly but at the same time, i'm not the prettiest thing that's ever graced the planet. i just never really try to make myself look attractive. my mother used to tell me to make an effort to make myself look like a lady and all of that but i just never really cared to do it. i still don't really but i may begin to put an effort into it because i want to look nice and i want to look pretty because honestly, who doesn't? such a shallow and vain thing to want to look attractive but with people, physical looks do count in some form, no matter how much we all lie to ourselves and to each other.

i never knew that liking somebody could cause so much emotion. i've never been like this about boys before and somehow, one of them has managed to make me a complete mess over them. the best part, i don't even think they realize it. i'd probably bend over backwards and twist myself into a pretzel to make them notice me and still nothing could come from it, i'd bet. this is karma coming back to bite me in the ass and waggle a finger at me. i should have taken the chance and ran with it when it was presented to me a while ago. c'est la vie, i suppose. no regrets.

i need to get myself back in check and calm down because i feel like i'm letting myself and my life get a little bit out of control. i just need to let the cards fall as they may and whatever happens, happens and that's that. we'll see what happens, though.

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