AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

that is how this paper is making me feel. my bank account won't post the rest of my check yet so i can't get what i want in the american apparel sale on hautelook or my effin books! THIS IS CRAP!

random musings

- luke hoskin from protest the hero is probably in all seriousness the cutest canadian man to ever exist. arguments could be made for wade macneill from alexisonfire but wheelchair jimmy from degrassi will never qualify.
- that being said, i very clearly have a thing for canandian men. i'd say canadian musicians but they gave us bryan adams and i'm unsure as to how i feel there.
- when you realize you're about to brush your teeth with bath & body works liquid antibacterial vanilla sugar soap, you sure as hell become a lot more grateful for those dang blue beads they got.
- president obama calling kanye west a jackass is by far the funniest and saddest thing ever. when the president of the nation puts us on an official love lockdown like that, you gotta wonder what's going on.
- the anna sui for target line was a serious letdown. it's bad when the only dress you thought was ugly ends up being the cute one on you that you buy and the pretty ones look like shit on you. seriously, the blue dress from the blair line made me look like violet beuregarde from willy wonka. not cute. let me repeat, NOT. CUTE.
- this is all an elaborate ruse to avoid getting ready for school.

and here's a gif because i need flashy things to distract me always.



i love me some toki wartooth.

yeah

i got nothing right now

well....

i was planning on writing a post about my love for basketball BUT that one is just going to have to wait because upon my departure from my nightly shower, i find out that katrina is doing a monthly giveaway!



i mean, look at how effin cute that is! that one's not up for givesies this time but she is giving away both a wishbone necklace and a i <3 paris necklace. so, if you really love me, you're gonna go and enter this shit too and win it and give it to me! the link's below!

http://elementnineteen.wordpress.com/2009/09/09/september-giveaway
http://anirtak.etsy.com

protest the hero

okay, my obsession with this band is continuing to escalate to epic proportions. it all started at warped tour 08 when lydia, one of my besties, decided that we needed to see this band called protest the hero. by the end of the set, i was hooked. any band that says that miami is built on cocaine and murder and breaks the rule of not swearing in public by dropping the f-bomb all over the place earns my love.

it's just growing from there.. youtube videos of them. twitter posts. blogs. it's getting to be bad. if there's ever a dvd, i will be dead.

sigh. i love this band.

for some ungodly reason, my blog apparently can't be viewed. go figure. fml.

lists and gif(t)s that have nothing to do with nothing

i feel like doing a brief overview of myself because a) i can't remember if i have or not and b) i'm too lazy to go back through my previous posts to look. i'll break up the monotony with gif files....per usual.

name: jillian leigh. aliases include jill, jilly, jillybeans, jillarin, jill the robot and various other things that have been dealt to me over the years.



birthday: march 24th, 1987. that makes me 22 if you don't want to do the math. i'm both a young 22 and an old 22. a contradiction, yes, but that's the story of my life.



family: mother, lynn. father, tom. older sister, kelly. her husband, ricky. her kids, isabella and nathan. older brother, brandon. younger sister, caitlyn. grandpa, howard. aunt, susie. uncle, pete. crapload of cousins and such.



pets: one crazy kitten named burglar. love her but she destroys everything.



origins: born in oak lawn, illinois. lived in alsip and great lakes, illinois until the age of 5. moved to orlando, florida in 1992 and have been here since.



schooling: durrance elementary, waterford elementary, cypress springs elementary. discovery middle. university high school. valencia community college where i got an aa in general studies. university of central florida where i am going for a bachelor's in history. as of now, ucf is looking to hold me a few more years because the possibility of grad school. ew.

music: for this one, i'm linking my last.fm account because it's too much work to get the dang list up. http://www.last.fm/user/ifoundyou. there

interests: clothing. internet shopping. bestie hangouts. food network. travel channel. anthony bourdain. bizarre foods. harassing tourists. random car trips. naps. eating. the plaza theater in downtown orlando. the enzian. the social. backbooth. going to shows. reading ontd (biggest guilty pleasure). history. museums. field trips. love. laughter. life.

random factoids: i refuse to eat bananas and eggs. tomatoes were on that list but i've been exposing myself to it more slowly and it's not that worst form of torture. i have a phobia of bridges. i have a crush on practically every bearded man under the age of forty. i talk to our cat in a baby voice. i love collecting odd bits of jewelry and crazy purses. i'm a tomboy but i love the color pink.

okay, i think that just about sums it up so boo and yah. next time, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled program.

tuts mi barreh

EPIC LOLZ

my mother gave me a lecture tonight about me being pretty. i find it really funny because this is probably the time in my life when i've been most accepting of myself. growing up, i had a hard time being accepting of myself and my body. but now, i finally hit a point where i think i'm somewhat attractive and work (sometimes) to make myself look pretty and dress up when i never used to and she calls me out for not thinking that i am.

i've never been skinny. it's not meant for me, either, i don't think. i have a bigger frame on my body and while i'm not fat, i'm certainly not thin and i'm fine with that. of course, there's always things i want to improve upon. tone up different areas, eat healthier, exercise more but overall, i'm finally at a point in my life where i can look in the mirror and be okay with what i see. i'm not a supermodel, i'll never win a most gorgeous person award but i like how i look and i like who i am and i accept myself, flaws and all. most of the time.

i have tattoos and i have piercings and i dye my hair but these are things i want to do. they're things i choose to do. my mother brought them all up and let out a sigh and flat out told me 'i don't think you realize just how pretty you are." for her to say this is a small miracle. for me to feel it is another one. i am pretty in my own way. i'm not perfect and i love that about myself. and yes, mom, for the record, i do realize that i'm pretty now. so in a weird way, thank you.

oh my cheese whiz

they are clunky and big and i want them so baaaaaad. i just need to figure out if i can justify it being a hundred and twenty-eight smackaroos! that's pretty much what the bed frame i want from ikea costs! decisions a girl has to make.

anirtak

anirtak aka my fave etsy person everrrrr is doing a giveaway this month on her blog and it's this massively cute elephant:



sooooo basically, this means you need to go check out herr blog and etsy shop so i can totes win that cute baby and save up my money so i can buy the fork and spoon still before someone else snatches it up! or you know, y'all can buy it for me.

blog: http://elementnineteen.wordpress.com/
etsy shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=4749

note(s) to self...just to be safe

- don't listen to depressing music while already bummed. it exacerbates the problem that much more.
- lolcats are still the best thing the internet has to offer.
- make a bucket list one day
- be proud of yourself once a day for something
- find something about yourself you find beautiful
- don't ever be afraid of anything. the only thing to fear is fear itself.
- find the guys who invented the macarena and punch them.
- learn how to dance
- smile more

boys

are funny creatures.

i just want one that will put the same amount of effort into trying to be involved with me as i do them. i don't ask for a lot of time and i'm not overly clingy. once a week is normally perfect for me. i don't demand attention or to be taken out or pampered. i don't get jealous easily and i try to avoid as much as drama as possible.

that being said, i just want things to settle down in my life. i want to find a decent guy that wants to spend a little time with me and maybe hold my hand and cuddle once in a while. hang out and have random adventures with me. smile for no reason.

maybe i'm asking for and expecting too much. love like the movies doesn't exist but i'm aiming for something awfully close.

i love this baby

this little beast is known as burglar. she's crazy. she's my favorite thing about coming home at the end of the day. she likes to wake me up by ninja attacking my foot and headbutting my chin. i lovez her.

stolen from the bessie; excellent mood and no reason for it

Are you dating the last person you talked to?
nope. single eagle and cool with it.

When is the last time you took a nap?
about a week ago but not for lack of trying

What are you listening to right now?
jenny lewis 'next messiah'

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
my mom

What was on your mind most today?
cheese. not even joking.

Something that happened today that made you angry?
my aunt barged into my room while i was half naked. not fucking cool. my cha chas were out all willy nilly for a good five minutes while she stood there. oy.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
both really. i'd rather not hide them because it builds up and makes me feel odd.

Do you wear makeup?
depends on the day

Are you missing someone?
yes but i don't know who it is

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
for the most part. there are some things that can't be given another chance. cheating, major lies, etc.

What instant messaging service do you use?
aim

Would you date/hook up with your brother's best friend?
LMAO, HELL NO. he makes fun of me and my boots. i want to punch him in the face.

What color is your hair?
brownish

Who was the last person you hugged?
the boys i babysit for. they give me hugs when they're really happy. i like it.

Who was the last person you talked to in person?
my aunt...while half naked.

What are you doing tonight?
either laying around the house or playing rock band with some friends

What did you do yesterday?
slept, went to lunch with my sister and her boyfriend, went to school for my midterm, went to dinner with my folks and watched some movies

Are you happy right now?
yeah, i am

Is your phone beside you?
in my pocket

Are you cold?
nope

First thing you do when you wake up?
roll over and push the cat away so i can go back to sleep sans tail in my mouth

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?
depends on how tired i am

What do your friends call you?
jill, jilly, jillybeans, jitterbug, etc etc etc.

What is your pet's name?
burglar

Do you cry a lot?
not as much as i used to. people don't really how sensitive i actually i am but when i cry, it's epic scale.

Would you prefer to date a celebrity?
my idea of 'celebrity' is not like others so there's some band dudes i would not mind but i never would stand a chance so no

Are you good at keeping secrets?
depends on the secret

Do you participate in gym class?
dodgeball ftw

What are you doing tomorrow?
working and going to class

First person under 'F' on your cell phone?
fusian, hahahahaha

What would you do if your last crush came up to you and apologized for something they did?
think that hell froze over, jussayin

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
nope

Have you ever flirted with a friends crush?
no way! there are unwritten codes that say you never go after a friend's man. gosh.

Last movie you watched?
this japanese short called rattle rattle. it was dumb dumb.

Has anyone ever sang to you?
not really

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
probably not. i'd get eaten by a goose or something.

What is your favorite color?
gray and pink

What color are your eyes?
hazel

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when?
my daddy the other night

Do you like your parents?
for the most part. i love them but sometimes we disagree hardcore.

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?
sleep

How long does it take you to shower?
about five minutes. baths take longer.

Think back eight months ago, were you single?
when am i not?

When you say you don't care, do you mean it?
about half the time

How are you feeling?
a little groggy, full from lunch but mostly content with my day

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
nope

What were you doing right before you logged into Myspace?
i never log into myspace anymore so i have no clue

Do you have a piggy bank that's actually shaped like a pig?
i did a long time ago. now, it's an urn from nightmare before christmas.

Do you want to start over with anyone?
not really, no

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
blue cheese, yum yum

Do you like the night time?
i really do

Anything you would change about your life right now?
there's always room for improvement

Would you ever give your number out to a stranger?
i have before

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
and in parking lots. i have no shame.

Could you cry right now?
nope

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?
sometimes when i think about my grandparents

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
not very often. i lack internal sensors.

Do you have an older brother?
yes and he's a complete douchenugget. last time i saw him, he put me in a headlock. i'm going to kick him in the jewels one day.

Are you okay with the life you live?
pretty much. i wish there was more spontaneity sometimes but considering what i have to do with my family, there's a lack of it and i'm fine with it for now.

Last person you told a secret to?
probably my-linh. i tell her everything.

Do you believe true love can conquer anything?
no prince charmings but there are people that come close

Do you like to take walks?
sometimes

Can you recall the last person you liked a lot?
of course

What would you name your future daughter?
i don't know

Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put your hood up?
hoodie

How much money did you spend today?
none but i need to get gas at some point

What are you sitting on right now?
computer chair

What's something you really want right now, be honest
to have a break, to have someone to cuddle and to have some pie

How do you feel about your hair right now?
i need to straighten it so i can go to work cos i look a hot mess

Do you talk a lot?
duh

Can you play pool?
yes but i'm not good

Who was the last person you shared a blanket with?
my-linh during the nba draft

Has anybody ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
once

Name something great that happened today.
i ate cheese.

Who was the last person's voice you heard?
my aunt's. it's not pretty.

When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
this morning

Do you curse a lot?
fuck yeah, i do

Was the first person you talked to today male or female?
female

What are you not looking forward to?
i can't think of anything

Are you a jealous person?
not really

When was the last time you ate skittles?
easter?

Anyone you're looking forward to seeing soon?
every day, whoever i meet

Has anything happened to you in the past month that made you really mad?
not really, been kind of bummed over some things but not mad

Do you ever hang out with people you don't like just because you are bored?
no! that's stupid.

Do you have siblings over the age of 21?
yes

What is your favorite kind of weather?
cold

Are you a loud person?
yes

Are you a fast typer?
yes but i'm what they call a chicken pecker. i only use two fingers.

Have you ever moved?
i think my total is four but i only remember three of them.

Do you usually write with good grammar?
I AM A STICKLER FOR GOOD GRAMMAR. it annoys me when people type horribly.

recap on the crazy ass week

- i finally got my first tattoos





- fell in love with rocky horror and the rich weirdos.
- motorboated fake boobs. let me just say, trannies are creative as fuck when it comes to making fake chachis.
- got told by a drag queen that i was fierce. felt amazing.
- actually dressed up a few times this week. felt pretty. liked the feeling. a lot.
- i have grown tired of the chase. always the chaser, never the chasee. waiting to see what happens.
- in regards to that last one, not rushing anything anymore and feeling good about it. waiting to see what life throws at me.

alphabetz

don't feel much like blogging so here's a swiped survey

A
- Available: yarp
- Age: 22
- Annoyance: bad drivers, being underestimated, unnecessarily rude people, indecisiveness
- Animal: burglar the cat dog
- Actor: simon pegg and nick frost all the way

B
- Beer: nasty as shit. give me the hard liquor please.
- Birthday/Birthplace: march 24, 1987 in oak lawn, illinois
- Best Friends: my-linh, lydia, amber, may, josh
- Body Part on opposite sex: beards beards beards
- Best feeling in the world: the kind of happy where you feel so giddy that your heart feels like it's going to burst open
- Blind or Deaf: blind because you can still feel and understand what things may look like but not being able to hear would drive me mad
- Best weather: five minutes before it storms and the wind is going crazy and it cools off a lot/ fall and winter weather
- Been in Love: not yet but still holding out
- Been bitched out?: lmao, all the time
- Been on stage?: yep!
- Believe in yourself?: depends on the dat
- Believe in life on other planets: not sure yet
- Believe in miracles: yes
- Believe in Magic: FUCK YES
- Believe in God: debatable
- Believe in Satan: i can think of a few people i call satan
- Believe in Santa: ho ho ho no
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: not really until i see it
- Believe in Evolution: meh, impartial

C
- Car: hyaundai elantra
- Candy: cry baby extra sour tears are ballinnnnn
- Color: gray
- Cried in school: yup
- Chocolate/Vanilla: i love both
- Chinese/Mexican: chinese
- Cake or pie: pie
- Country to visit: i wanna go to iceland something fierce. i don't know why but i just really want to.

D
- Day or Night: night
- Dream vehicle: 1969 fully restore ford mustang. mmmmm.
- Danced: in my bedroom
- Dance in the rain?: with little kids
- Do the splits?: LMAO NO

E
- Eggs: worst. food. EVER.
- Eyes: hazel. they change colors depending on the situation. i am a walking mood ring.
- Everyone has a: heart.
- Ever failed a class? nope

F
- First crush: i still remember, will not name names for the life of me
- Full name: jillian leigh leonhardt
- First thoughts waking up: what the fuck did i just dream about?
- Food: my number one all time fave is chocolate pudding pie

G
- Greatest Fear: never finding love, being alone
- Giver or taker: giver
- Goals: i have way too many. i'm starting a bucket list.
- Gum: orbit all the way
- Get along with your parents?: the majority of the time
- Good luck charm: nothing

In guys/girls
Eye color: doesn't matter
Hair Color: dark colors
Height: any but normally prefer taller
Clothing Style: normally scenester style, tight jeans, band shirts, beards are the best accessory
Characteristics: intelligent, funny, romantic, affectionate, silly, sweet, quick thinker, assertive

H
- Hair Color: right now, dark brown. naturally, blonde.
- Height: 5'7
- Happy: most of the time
- Holiday: halloween
- How do you want to die: either in my sleep or doing something heroic
- Health freak?: yeaaaaaah right
- Hate: i don't hate, i strongly dislike

I
- Ice Cream: cherry garcia
- Instrument: none but i like to sing

J
- Jewelry: earring in the tragus, bar through my ear, multicolored gauges (i'm at a 4), hoop through my septum, ring on my middle finger, hair tie as a bracelet
- Job: nanny

K
- Kids: who knows?
- Kickboxing or karate: kickboxing
- Keep a journal?: this is as close as it gets

L
- Longest Car Ride: chicago to orlando when i was little, orlando to new york city last summer
- Love: everything
- Letter: q. it's so underrated.
- Laughed so hard you cried: damn straight. i have funny friends.
- Love at first sight: i believe in it.

M
- Milk flavor: white.
- Movie: stardust.
- Mooned anyone?: LMAO YEP AND FLASHED, TOO.
- Marriage: we'll see
- Motion sickness? no. sea sickness, yes.
- McD’s or BK: neither. team taco bell.

N
- Number of Siblings: 3
- Number of Piercings: 5, 4 in the ears and 1 in the septum
- Number: 13

O
- Overused Phrases: like, holy crap, fuck
- One wish: to be a mermaid for the day
- One phobia: large crowds

P
- Place you’d like to live: atlanta or canada
- Perfect Pizza: lazy moon with goat cheese and sundried tomatoes
- Pepsi/Coke: coke zero

Q
- Quail: man?
- Questionaires: amuse me

R
- Reason to cry: boys
- Reality T.V.: is slightly an addiction
- Radio Station: if i have to, xl 106.7
- Roll your tongue in a circle? can do

S
- Song: murder by death's 'three men hanging'
- Shoe size: 11
- Salad Dressing: ranch
- Sushi: YUM
- Skipped school: yes
- Slept outside: not really
- Seen a dead body? yes
- Smoked?: mebbe
- Skinny dipped? yup
- Shower daily? prefer baths
- Sing well?: tolerable. my sister told me i have a pretty voice.
- In the shower? too much
- Swear?: fuck yeah
- Stuffed Animals?: in my closet and storage boxes
- Single/Group dates: much prefer single
- Strawberries/Blueberries: raspberries
- Scientists need to invent: cures for diseases and flying cars
- Time for bed: whenever
- Thunderstorms: scare me sometimes
- TV: travel channel and food network ftw
- Touch your tongue to your nose:? nope
- Unpredictable: everything

V
- Vegetable you hate: brussel sprouts
- Vegetable you love: sugar snap peas
- Vacation spot: anywhere with my friend

W
- Weakness: being too sensitive
- When you grow up: i wanna be in the circus
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: lydia. she's my black twin.
- Who makes you laugh the most: all of them.
- Worst feeling: being heartbroken
- Wanted to be a model?: maybe for fat people clothes
- Where do we go when we die: hawaii
- Worst weather: any day that i can't go outside

X
-X-Rays: i've had too many to count

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: submarine

Z
- Zoo animal: penguins/monkeys. the monkeys fling poo, the penguins wear tuxedos.
- Zodiac sign: aries

LAST PERSON WHO…
1. Slept in a bed beside you? my-linh at isdc
2. Last person to see you cry? i think it was my-linh and maybe mike the day my uncle died
3. Went to the movies with you? my-linh, amber and juan to see 'up'
4. You went to the mall with? myself
5. You went to dinner with? the family
6. You talked to on the phone? my mom
7. Made you laugh? the boys

i have to get out of this funk. i put myself here and i ought to be able to get myself back out of it. until the meantime, gif files are good spot of brightness.



especially that one

well

epic fail on my part apparently.

i give up.

babbling about things since it was a crap day

everyone has something that they turn to when they want an instant moment of gratification and to find comfort in. on cold days, people turn to hot cocoa and fires and snuggly blankets and soup. these are the things i go to when i need/want to find instant comfort.

- my cuddle pillow. i have one pillow that i sleep holding on to because it makes me feel better to fall asleep holding onto something. i have been made fun of for this but it helps me sleep faster and sleep better.
- my black navy shirt. this thing is so threadbare that there are holes worn into it and it's practically become see-through. it was one of my dad's old shirts from when he was still in the navy and it's one of my favorite possessions.
- my nightgowns. i have two that i switch between, a black silk one and a pink and gray cotton one. they're so soft and cuddly that i just feel better when i'm in one of them and lounging around.
- the cat. no matter how bad my day has been, the cat has a way to make me feel better. it could be the fact that as soon as i get in my room, she jumps up on me and nuzzles me or her licking me or her just sleeping near me. she has quickly become my favorite thing.

it's so silly but these are really the material things that make me feel better. my friends....that's a whole other blog post altogether.