in my opinion, i think that everyone has someone in their life that they just can't seem to stay away from. no matter what happens and how far away you are from them, how long it's been without talking to them, you can always slip right back into the same old routine with them and feel like it's been five minutes when it could have been years.
i know who that person is for me and i know it's not the best thing for me to keep going back. it's been close to four years now that we've been playing this back and forth game and every time i get sucked back into it, i always end up being hurt. i don't even know if he realizes what he does to me or the effect that he has on me or that i always end up falling for him but it sucks every time because i tell myself that things will change and they never do.
he's coming back around again and i feel myself wanting to revert to the old pattern but i'm tired of it. i'm tired of the tears that i always end up shedding, the pain i always feel and it's all my own doing, it's all my own fault that i let myself get like that. so now, things are going to change.
i've finally realized that i need to put my priorities first, at least in some form. i'm protecting myself and not allowing myself to revert to old ways and not slipping into the way things were. i can have him as a friend but nothing more. i know this now after a lot of soul searching and conversations with friends. it's for the best and although it sucks a little, i know it wouldn't be a healthy thing for me to keep reverting to this pattern.
so, there is a person in our lives that we always seem to find coming back in and out, over and over, but only we're the ones who decide in what aspect we allow them in. and for me, i've finally decided to set my foot down. and i feel better for it.