Friday, April 16, 2010

dearest blog of mine. how i neglect you. i get caught up in a whirlwind of work and school and the shambled adventures that count as my social life and i forget to show you love. for that, i am sorry.

things have been nutty lately. my job at lush is absolutely amazing and i love getting to work there as much as i get to because i'm constantly learning new things and meeting new people from all over the world. my co-workers are all amazing people and i feel like i gain new life insights from them all. my job definitely makes me feel like actively working towards being a more positive person overall and makes me feel like trying to make a bigger impact on the world.

school's winding down for the semester. one class over summer and i'll officially have my bachelor's degree in history. i'm unsure as to how i feel about it and what i'm planning on doing afterwards. i really like working at lush so i may try to stay there for a good while and work my way upwards if at all possible. i really feel like i'm only getting my degree now to have it as a backup plan. i just refuse to teach in florida now, thanks to charlie crist and his being a dumbass. education in this state and in the nation in general needs some serious help. sigh. rant rant rant.

i also have been delving back into having a bit of a social life. i hang out with more people now, grab lunch with friends, visit others. with my grandpa and my aunt being gone for two weeks, i've had the opportunity to go out a little bit more and now that i've had the taste of freedom again, i'm going to be highly reluctant to let it go.

WARNING: MASSIVE COMPLAINTS COMING ON. with my grandpa and aunt living her, all we do is cater to them. they've forced my parents to sleep on a sofa bed for nearly three years now. we're forced to do their bidding with no gratitude. take them to doctor's. rearrange our schedules to fit about five doctor appointments in a week. listen to them beat a dead horse by complaining about each other constantly and with that, it's the cycle of whine, rinse and repeat. i love them both so dearly and the first year and a half, i was totally fine putting up with this. it meant i got to see them and spend time with them. however, the welcome has worn itself thin. my grandfather treats my mom so badly that it infuriates me to see her get treated like shit. she and i may not get along all the time but she doesn't deserve that crap. my aunt literally just mopes around the house all day. it depresses me constantly because i can be in the best of moods and within five minutes, her glum face and pessimistic views rip that completely to shit. i never talk about this to the full extent with anybody and it gnaws away at me sometimes and i just get so mad but it's life and it's the situation we've been dealt to deal with right now so i have to suck it up and keep chugging along and continue to find the happiness in the little things in life.

like the smell of orange blossoms from the orange grove by my house that are in full bloom right now. i drive by it with my windows down and a a smile on my face. allergies be damned, i'm going to revel in that smell while they're still in bloom. i also treasure h&m's leggings. see? it really is the little things. they fit beautifully and don't pill and are ridiculously soft and i wear my pair as often as humanly possible. murder by death's new album. the smell of fresh lemongrass. my cat licking my nose to show her affection. my friends. my family. my job. chocolate.

life is hard a lot of the times and i still have it fucking good so no matter what, i will always try to be grateful. i will wake up each day and be thankful that i'm still breathing and that i've gotten out of bed. i will find joy in small moments. i will be happy.


My-Linh said...

I <3 you bestie.

Mike said...

I'm curious as to your thoughts on what you think about the merit pay plan that Crist vetoed yesterday? Many people that currently teach are enthusiastic about what he did. I agree with you that education needs help. Congrats on graduation this summer :)

jillian leigh said...

my-linh: i <3 you moaaar.

mike: to be honest, i think the merit pay plan is going to suck and that's being blunt. i feel that a lot of lower income schools are going to continue to plummet because teachers won't feel motivated to put in as much effort because they know their pay's going to end up being crap. with the merit pay, good teachers in d and f schools won't be able to be paid what they deserve because no matter how hard they work, their students generally will still have poor test scores because teaching resources are severely limited, due to lack of school funding. it doesn't make me happy.