Friday, September 19, 2008

i hate exercise. i don't like getting sweaty and having gnats fly into my face or turning bright red like a tomato because i am white as hell and when i get hot, i flush like a motherfucker. however, i like the results i get from exercise. i like weighing myself and seeing that i've lost seven pounds so far and seeing that my pants fit me better and that my stomach puff is slowly shrinking and that my pants lie flat instead of hugging my gut like they used to and seeing that i actually have definition to my ass instead of it just being some big, flat thing that annoyed me. all of these things make it worth it for me. all the cons are outweighed by the pros. i love feeling like i'm accomplishing something when i go jogging, i love the feeling of seeing the weight coming off and knowing that i am responsible for it.

i hate dieting. you don't get to eat enough food, your stomach always growls, you don't get to eat the yummy things like fried pickle chips, fried mac n cheese bites, burgers dripping with cheese and bacon, etc. but the payoff of it is amazing. your appetite learns to adjust and adapt to the fact you're feeding it less and you start eating less by default, you don't feel as hungry as often and the healthy things start tasting good to it. instead of craving chips now, i crave celery and carrots. i eat lentils like they're going out of style. lean protein? it's my best friend.

i've struggled with my weight for a while now. i was always a bigger kid and then middle school and high school ran around and i stopped running around and i put on weight but i was content being the chubby kid. college came around and i got a job and because i was on my feet eight to ten hours five days a week, i dropped about twenty five pounds and i only noticed that i did when a friend took me shopping and started picking out clothes for me and smalls and mediums fit me. i was so startled by it that i went home, weighed myself and was just blown away. it lasted for about a year or so until i quit said job to help out the family and i coped with my troubles by eating and bam, the weight went on again. i finally decided to get myself into a better situation with my body and to feel more confident with myself and be happy with how i look and therefore, began this new diet and exercise regimen. i actually feel good about it, even though i hate it, but i think for once, i am dedicated enough to do it and follow through.

only time will tell how it comes out.

1 comment:

mandybee said...

Hi Jillerin! I know how you feel. Once you push yourself to start eating better and exercising, you do start to like it. I was doing really good at the end of last year/beginning of this year with exercising every day - but I let too many days of not exercising slide in. Now I haven't actually worked out in a month or so. :(

I still feel way better than I did this time last year and still have the urge to exercise (though the only thing I've been doing lately is yoga because it's too friggin' hot outside). I'm still amazed by how much I CAN'T eat anymore - your stomach can shrink so much! I used to be able to out-eat John, now I eat 10 carrot sticks and think I might be full. (Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit. ;p)

Good luck staying on your diet and exercise! If there are days when you just don't want to go out jogging, I definitely recommend some yoga (or pilates). You don't sweat too much but you're still doing something to feel good about. I don't know about you but one of the things that makes me feel healthier is seeing how stretchy I can get and yoga helps!