recap on the crazy ass week

- i finally got my first tattoos





- fell in love with rocky horror and the rich weirdos.
- motorboated fake boobs. let me just say, trannies are creative as fuck when it comes to making fake chachis.
- got told by a drag queen that i was fierce. felt amazing.
- actually dressed up a few times this week. felt pretty. liked the feeling. a lot.
- i have grown tired of the chase. always the chaser, never the chasee. waiting to see what happens.
- in regards to that last one, not rushing anything anymore and feeling good about it. waiting to see what life throws at me.

alphabetz

don't feel much like blogging so here's a swiped survey

A
- Available: yarp
- Age: 22
- Annoyance: bad drivers, being underestimated, unnecessarily rude people, indecisiveness
- Animal: burglar the cat dog
- Actor: simon pegg and nick frost all the way

B
- Beer: nasty as shit. give me the hard liquor please.
- Birthday/Birthplace: march 24, 1987 in oak lawn, illinois
- Best Friends: my-linh, lydia, amber, may, josh
- Body Part on opposite sex: beards beards beards
- Best feeling in the world: the kind of happy where you feel so giddy that your heart feels like it's going to burst open
- Blind or Deaf: blind because you can still feel and understand what things may look like but not being able to hear would drive me mad
- Best weather: five minutes before it storms and the wind is going crazy and it cools off a lot/ fall and winter weather
- Been in Love: not yet but still holding out
- Been bitched out?: lmao, all the time
- Been on stage?: yep!
- Believe in yourself?: depends on the dat
- Believe in life on other planets: not sure yet
- Believe in miracles: yes
- Believe in Magic: FUCK YES
- Believe in God: debatable
- Believe in Satan: i can think of a few people i call satan
- Believe in Santa: ho ho ho no
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: not really until i see it
- Believe in Evolution: meh, impartial

C
- Car: hyaundai elantra
- Candy: cry baby extra sour tears are ballinnnnn
- Color: gray
- Cried in school: yup
- Chocolate/Vanilla: i love both
- Chinese/Mexican: chinese
- Cake or pie: pie
- Country to visit: i wanna go to iceland something fierce. i don't know why but i just really want to.

D
- Day or Night: night
- Dream vehicle: 1969 fully restore ford mustang. mmmmm.
- Danced: in my bedroom
- Dance in the rain?: with little kids
- Do the splits?: LMAO NO

E
- Eggs: worst. food. EVER.
- Eyes: hazel. they change colors depending on the situation. i am a walking mood ring.
- Everyone has a: heart.
- Ever failed a class? nope

F
- First crush: i still remember, will not name names for the life of me
- Full name: jillian leigh leonhardt
- First thoughts waking up: what the fuck did i just dream about?
- Food: my number one all time fave is chocolate pudding pie

G
- Greatest Fear: never finding love, being alone
- Giver or taker: giver
- Goals: i have way too many. i'm starting a bucket list.
- Gum: orbit all the way
- Get along with your parents?: the majority of the time
- Good luck charm: nothing

In guys/girls
Eye color: doesn't matter
Hair Color: dark colors
Height: any but normally prefer taller
Clothing Style: normally scenester style, tight jeans, band shirts, beards are the best accessory
Characteristics: intelligent, funny, romantic, affectionate, silly, sweet, quick thinker, assertive

H
- Hair Color: right now, dark brown. naturally, blonde.
- Height: 5'7
- Happy: most of the time
- Holiday: halloween
- How do you want to die: either in my sleep or doing something heroic
- Health freak?: yeaaaaaah right
- Hate: i don't hate, i strongly dislike

I
- Ice Cream: cherry garcia
- Instrument: none but i like to sing

J
- Jewelry: earring in the tragus, bar through my ear, multicolored gauges (i'm at a 4), hoop through my septum, ring on my middle finger, hair tie as a bracelet
- Job: nanny

K
- Kids: who knows?
- Kickboxing or karate: kickboxing
- Keep a journal?: this is as close as it gets

L
- Longest Car Ride: chicago to orlando when i was little, orlando to new york city last summer
- Love: everything
- Letter: q. it's so underrated.
- Laughed so hard you cried: damn straight. i have funny friends.
- Love at first sight: i believe in it.

M
- Milk flavor: white.
- Movie: stardust.
- Mooned anyone?: LMAO YEP AND FLASHED, TOO.
- Marriage: we'll see
- Motion sickness? no. sea sickness, yes.
- McD’s or BK: neither. team taco bell.

N
- Number of Siblings: 3
- Number of Piercings: 5, 4 in the ears and 1 in the septum
- Number: 13

O
- Overused Phrases: like, holy crap, fuck
- One wish: to be a mermaid for the day
- One phobia: large crowds

P
- Place you’d like to live: atlanta or canada
- Perfect Pizza: lazy moon with goat cheese and sundried tomatoes
- Pepsi/Coke: coke zero

Q
- Quail: man?
- Questionaires: amuse me

R
- Reason to cry: boys
- Reality T.V.: is slightly an addiction
- Radio Station: if i have to, xl 106.7
- Roll your tongue in a circle? can do

S
- Song: murder by death's 'three men hanging'
- Shoe size: 11
- Salad Dressing: ranch
- Sushi: YUM
- Skipped school: yes
- Slept outside: not really
- Seen a dead body? yes
- Smoked?: mebbe
- Skinny dipped? yup
- Shower daily? prefer baths
- Sing well?: tolerable. my sister told me i have a pretty voice.
- In the shower? too much
- Swear?: fuck yeah
- Stuffed Animals?: in my closet and storage boxes
- Single/Group dates: much prefer single
- Strawberries/Blueberries: raspberries
- Scientists need to invent: cures for diseases and flying cars
- Time for bed: whenever
- Thunderstorms: scare me sometimes
- TV: travel channel and food network ftw
- Touch your tongue to your nose:? nope
- Unpredictable: everything

V
- Vegetable you hate: brussel sprouts
- Vegetable you love: sugar snap peas
- Vacation spot: anywhere with my friend

W
- Weakness: being too sensitive
- When you grow up: i wanna be in the circus
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: lydia. she's my black twin.
- Who makes you laugh the most: all of them.
- Worst feeling: being heartbroken
- Wanted to be a model?: maybe for fat people clothes
- Where do we go when we die: hawaii
- Worst weather: any day that i can't go outside

X
-X-Rays: i've had too many to count

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: submarine

Z
- Zoo animal: penguins/monkeys. the monkeys fling poo, the penguins wear tuxedos.
- Zodiac sign: aries

LAST PERSON WHO…
1. Slept in a bed beside you? my-linh at isdc
2. Last person to see you cry? i think it was my-linh and maybe mike the day my uncle died
3. Went to the movies with you? my-linh, amber and juan to see 'up'
4. You went to the mall with? myself
5. You went to dinner with? the family
6. You talked to on the phone? my mom
7. Made you laugh? the boys

i have to get out of this funk. i put myself here and i ought to be able to get myself back out of it. until the meantime, gif files are good spot of brightness.



especially that one

well

epic fail on my part apparently.

i give up.

babbling about things since it was a crap day

everyone has something that they turn to when they want an instant moment of gratification and to find comfort in. on cold days, people turn to hot cocoa and fires and snuggly blankets and soup. these are the things i go to when i need/want to find instant comfort.

- my cuddle pillow. i have one pillow that i sleep holding on to because it makes me feel better to fall asleep holding onto something. i have been made fun of for this but it helps me sleep faster and sleep better.
- my black navy shirt. this thing is so threadbare that there are holes worn into it and it's practically become see-through. it was one of my dad's old shirts from when he was still in the navy and it's one of my favorite possessions.
- my nightgowns. i have two that i switch between, a black silk one and a pink and gray cotton one. they're so soft and cuddly that i just feel better when i'm in one of them and lounging around.
- the cat. no matter how bad my day has been, the cat has a way to make me feel better. it could be the fact that as soon as i get in my room, she jumps up on me and nuzzles me or her licking me or her just sleeping near me. she has quickly become my favorite thing.

it's so silly but these are really the material things that make me feel better. my friends....that's a whole other blog post altogether.

bath routines, oh boy!

this is so true, even if mine is more a bath thing than a shower thing. when i take a bath, i am very specific in how i have to accomplish all of my tasks. first, i make sure the water is hot but not too hot or else i look like a boiled lobster. then, the running water gets a big squirt of bubbles and i soak for a little while. next is hair washing and conditioner. the conditioner then stays in my hair for the remainder of my tub time. next is face washing and then a face scrub after that. after that, face mask that stays on the rest of the time, too. shaving necessary body parts is next. and after all of that, i have to turn the shower on to rinse out the tub, scrub and loofah my bod and rinse out the conditioner and massage the face mask off. the worst part is, i don't really like to deviate it from it that much.

sigh, i really am girly sometimes.

list of the weeeeeeeeek

instead of socializing with the crap ton of people that are going in and out of my sister's house at warp speed, i have holed up in her bedroom to type out some random crap. i'm not in the best of moods today so i'm hoping that i can turn my emo little frown upside down and put a smile back on. besides, there's someone somewhere worse off than myself so i really can't be too bummed out. and so, onwards with the random list of the week.

- rocket fuel (the drink) sneaks up on you real fast
- walking in high heels while tipsy is a valuable asset and one of my new favorite skills.
- the orlando magic pwns everyone
- lebron james is overhyped
- i'm way too into basketball
- fire pits are awesome
- cuddle pillows are where it's at
- i miss my sister's kitty
- i'm going to buy her a leash and see if we can't teach her to walk on it
- i want to go fly in space
- it's nice to have a good support system when you're blue (da be de da be di)
- i love my best friend
- i hate getting shitty wake up calls
- i really hate crying, especially in front of other people
- my face looks like a tomato when i get upset
- i love belting out songs in my car on the highway by myself
- i'm glad i realized that before my trip to naples/miami in july
- i ought to be able to afford my feet tattoos by the end of june
- soap operas suck
- i like making lists

i feel slightly better now. all i need now is some lolcats and kitty cuddles and all is right as rain again. ballin'.

isdc

has definitely proven to be an interesting weekend.

the rest of this is to be determined later.

h8 h8 h8 h8 h8

my sister got into a sticky situation tonight. she called me to let me know that her best friend had taken her out to a trailer park in the middle of nowhere so that she could get a tattoo. not only was i mad that her friend had told me they were going elsewhere but i was fuming mad that my little sister was being endangered because of it. i wanted to yell until i was blue in the face when my little sister was finally brought home and her friend practically bolted. i'm just glad to see that she got home and got home safely but i'm still really angry that she was in danger at all.

then, to top it off, i got tagged in a note on the facebookz by a former boy interest of mine regarding sirens with the note that people tagged in it would understand why. i'm assuming he's calling me a siren because of how our situation played itself out and how the curiosity of each other lured us both in. it just sucks because it's like re-opening the same wound i had from him before. i'm fully over it but it's like another reminder of why we didn't work. i hate it because i over-analyze it all and what could have been done different but i know it wasn't meant to be.

seriously, what else could happen tonight to make it that much more maddening and confusing?

cough cough hack hack SNEEZEZZZZZZZZZ

it is going on day nine on me having this funky cough. last monday, i started feeling really tired and sore and then my throat started kicking in and feeling weird, too. the cough kicked in later that night and the migraine started the next day. tuesday, i felt like a truck ran me over. by wednesday, i was back to feeling like my normal groovy self except for this funky ass cough!

seriously. coughs? who knew that coughs would be so bad/distracting? it keeps me awake at night, it makes me feel miserable during the day. i keep coughing everywhere in every place. nyquil with cough syrup didn't help, regular cough syrup didn't work. cough drops? forget about it! i have the mutant cough of doom!

it got so bad that i actually ended up going to the doctor, which is saying a lot. i hate going to the doctor for myself. i prefer letting things run its course and it being done but not this time. i resorted to medical help and am now on a thirty-day medicine that's supposed to dry the cough right out of me. however, it also makes me wicked groggy, it makes me super thirsty and it makes my vision blurry. pros and cons, i guess. here's to hoping the cough of doom dies out sooner than later!

<3 kevin devine and brian bonz

at about a minute into this video, you see the bassist, ej, point to someone in the crowd and an arm raise up in a fist pump. that fist pump is me. this is proof for my dad that i indeed got called out during the show. boo and yah.

a story through gif files

the week before summer school is crazy. this kind of crazy:



people this past week have made me feel like this :



or this:



but things are all good and life in general makes me want to do this:



good times

can i just say

that i absolutely love winning ebay bids? i feel like a total asshole when i put in a high bid with only seconds to spare, knowing that i have just essentially shit in someone's cornflakes, because i end up winning and they end up losing. yet, i still can't help to gloat a little inside when i win my bids. this is what i look like after i win my ebay bids.



i can't help it, i am materialistic at times but this is a material world and i? well, i am a material girl.

music is such an integral part of my life. almost everything i do involves music somehow. everywhere i go, i have my ipod with me. i sing loudly and quite often off-key to songs on the radio in my car. i sing and dance in my bedroom and in my shower. music is just highly important to me.

a lot of the time, i tend to associate songs with people or with moments that have occurred in my life. most are positive things, some are what could be seen as negative. as i was driving home today, i slipped in a cd i have purposely avoided for a while because of the negative connotations i held of it. there is a song that reminds me of an ex, that we sang together in the car numerous times, that we danced to once, that he held my hand to when we saw it live. as the song came on and filled my car with the yelping notes and painful lyrics that talk about forgetting someone and how they're gone, i finally felt good about the song. i sang along with it loudly and felt happy. gone were the bad memories, i felt happy. i claimed the song back for positive things instead of negative.

wow, how lame.

and what, suckaaaaaaaaaaa

two days before i turn twenty-two. i was feeling really depressed about it for a while because of the whole i'm getting older, i haven't done everything i wanted to yet, blah blah blah. and then i realized that i'm only twenty-two. i still (hopefully) have a buttload of time ahead of me to do everything i want to fit in. it's no excuse to sit on my butt and do nothing but it did make me feel better. i'm happy with my life, as crazy as it is. the next few months are looking as if they're going to pan out into being awesome. just like this :



yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

i was going to talk about how freaky deaky my family is but instead, i feel like regaling the nonexistent readers of my blog about what i do when i can't sleep and have homework due.

so far tonight, in the span of four hours, i have
-danced around my bedroom
-cleaned half my room
-quickly abandoned that effort
-fit the contents of my backpack into my purse
-played with facebook
-played with twitter
-played with my fish
-not done my homework

epic

brb

in panama city for spring break until next sunday

the culmination of one of the roughest weeks of the semester is about to come to an end in two days. tonight, i have to babysit for the family that i normally do and for the one who got me started in my current job. i love both of them and their kids so much so i don't mind doing it at all. however, i still have to study for my other half of my french midterm and write a five page paper on women in christianity and whether they were oppressed or liberated and then i need to study for the short answer portion of that midterm. I'm not worried because i know that i'll be able to get it all done and pass it.

i keep looking to my friday plans to make myself truck through the rest of my week because william elliott whitmore is coming and all i can say to that is :

no update, just a yummy gif(t)